by Lili Bell Raye

Created on: April 27, 2008   Last Updated: June 03, 2008

My children are products of divorce. At the time our family
went through this, I did not have much outside help.
But I learned valuable lessons and used creativity to help
my children come to grips with the reality of divorce.

D I V O R C E...We most often think of divorce as being between
a man and a woman. But in reality it is between them and an entire family.

It affects all who know the couple. It will affect the workplace,
the church, and their social life. It causes their friends to take sides,
and family members will feel torn. This is not an easy event for anyone.

The innocent victims of divorce, however, are children. Suddenly,
their safe haven, home, is different, or in some cases,gone. Their
personal security, knowing they are loved and safe, may very well
be compromised. They don't know who they can turn to,or even if there
is someone they can trust. They may likely feel betrayed.

However, there are many ways these situations can be handled to help
children through this trying time. The first one is to not put the
other parent down. Painting the other parent as a bad person only
confuses the children even more. They remember when all was well;
they know there was once love and caring between mom and dad, but now
they are hearing "Daddy is bad.", or "Your mom is crazy." A child can't
make that distinction, nor should they have to.

A good parent will remember that the child loves them both, and
needs to feel he/she is still loved by both as well. It serves no
purpose to speak negatively about the other parent. This only hurts the
innocent child. Show respect for one another, and your children will see
this and have a measure of comfort.

Make sure the living arrangements are the best they can be. If a child
is forced to move out of his/her home because of the divorce,
their whole world has really changed. They may lose their special room,
their neighborhood, even their school. The conditions may not be as
favorable for them as their former home. So now, not only have they
lost their family situation, they have lost the life that they were
accustomed to. Put thought to it, remembering what they are giving up,
and try to choose a home where they will quickly be able to adjust,
reclaiming those pieces of their lives that made them who they are. An example;
if your child is big in sports, make sure the school you choose will provide
opportunities to be involved. If they love playing in the neighborhood,
choose one with lots of kids and safe places to play.

Make sure you are available as much

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