by Lindy Abrahams

Created on: April 27, 2008   Last Updated: June 03, 2008

Children suffer the most because they are innocent bystanders. When it comes to divorce they have no say in the break up and yet they didn't choose to be a part of the relationship.

As a parent, it is your duty to make it as comfortable as possible for the kids. It is their right that they are made a priority when decisions are made about the divorce.

A few tips to help your kids through this difficult time;

1) Allow your kids to feel sad. Children don't want to loose either of their parents. Allow them to grieve for what they have lost for however long it takes.
2) Don't force them to talk about the divorce but do make yourself available for when they are ready to talk about it. Let them know you are always available.
3) Start new activities, choose activities that weren't done as a family. This way your kids won't focus on what they have lost and will learn to rebuild a life around each parent.
4) Never criticize your ex partner in the presence of your kids. Your kids are half of each parent and by criticizing one parent you criticize half of them. This will make them feel like the divorce is partly their fault.
5) As you and your ex partner work through your loss, remember your children still need you. You need to be in the present. Be open about how you feel without shutting them out by using anger as an escape route. If you're sad, let them know that you are sad but also let them know that you are strong enough to handle their pain if they are feeling sad too.
5) If your kids are still young create opportunities for communication. Prepare meals together or do small household chores with them. This way your kids get to talk about their feelings without the pressure of a formal sit down conversation.

If it is possible try and spend special occasions such as kids birthdays and Christmas together. It might not always be possible when a new partner enters the picture but work out a compromise. Always remind your children that you will never stop being their parent. Tell them constantly that you love them, they will never hear that enough and don't assume they know that you love them. Show your affection all the time so that they know that even if you're not together with the other parent, they haven't lost either of you.

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