34 of 103

Parents

Write now Article Tools

The answer to the question as to 'Who's to blame' for a child's bad behavior has to be that it depends on the age of the child.

As a grandparent I find it interesting to watch our new-age parents and in particular how they handle the discipline issue. With my own grandchildren I see two stark differences in parenting attitudes. The first is very disciplined with strict use of manners, whilst the other is more of a 'lets all be friends' attitude.

It is my opinion that bad behavior in small children is a direct result of bad parenting. If children were allowed to be children, which involves setting and enforcing very strict boundaries and guidelines, then we wouldn't be seeing all the bad behavior (and language) that we see now. Children would feel safe and secure within their family unit.

I myself came from a family where severe physical and emotional discipline was the norm. With my own children I started to do the same, but fortunately realized very early on that this was not the way I wanted to raise my children, so I left my marriage and began to parent my children in the fashion that I was comfortable with. There was no physical violence but I was very strict with manners and behavior. I also became great friends with my children. And I have to say that I was never ashamed or embarrassed by my children and it was always a great thrill when their school reports commented on good behavior, manners and consideration for other people.

I believe that children from my generation have created in their own children, parents who desire a different kind of parenting and a different outcome, an it seems very clear now that the 'lets be friends' attitude of parenting is not working. Children today (and I certainly don't mean all of them), but a majority of children just seem lost. They have no discipline in their lives, their teachers hands are tied with rules and regulations, so there is no-one to give these children the boundaries they are just begging for.

Its the boundaries that create happy, healthy, confident children. Without boundaries children don't know when is enough and they appear angry and frustrated, as if begging for someone to show them what is and is not acceptable.

Too many parents with the 'lets be friends' attitude have involved their children in family matters and discussions which the child should not be involved in, and certainly should not have any say in. Matters of family, money, and other topics discussed by parents should not be put on a small child's shoulders. It's way too much responsibility for starters, and it forces children to make decisions that they're not capable of making - decisions like whether they like a certain family member, matters involving finance, gossiping about neighbors, workmates and friends. All of these subjects should not be discussed around young children and when they are it creates a lot of responsibility, insecurity and worry for the child. Way more than any small child can handle, and this is what produces the negative behavior.

Children have the God-given right to be just children for a while, and lets face it, it's not for very long anyway. They have the right to play, learn and explore without the heavy responsibilities of the adults being placed on their way too small shoulders. They have the rest of their lives to act responsibly, to own and deal with their own problems - we shouldn't rob them of their precious childhoods.

The matter of bad behavior in older children results from the same childhood issues, but also involves peer pressure, so these behaviors can be more difficult to define.

Learn more about this author, Buffy.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about If children behave badly, who's to blame: Parents or child??
We want to hear your view. Write now!