by Rene Kelly

Created on: April 27, 2008

PMS? Who, me? No, I don't have PMS. Why do you ask? And who said you could talk to me anyhow? After all, you didn't bring chocolate.

No, I don't think I over-reacted. After all, my son ate the last of that bag of chocolate chips that I was saving for an emergency. I'll never know how he found them where I hid them. But under the circumstances, I think that grounding him for six weeks was quite reasonable gentle actually. He ate my chocolate.

No, I don't think it was unreasonable to spend two hours explaining to my husband just how totally unreasonable and irresponsible it was of him to put that coffee cup in the sink instead of in the dishwasher. After all, the dishwasher is only six inches away from the sink. No, I don't think that the fact that my voice got louder for the two hours that I was explaining this is unreasonable either. No one actually was injured after all.

The dog? No, I haven't seen him in a day or two. Last week, he met me at the door, wagging tail and all. Sunday he made a noise, I looked at him, and I haven't seen him since. He's probably hiding under the bed. He gets like that way once a month or so, you know. Weird dog! My husband says that he saw the same look on a National Geographic show on an angry lion once. But what does he know? He puts coffee cups in the sink instead of the dishwasher.

No, I'm not on an eating binge. I don't know what happened to the cake. I only ate a little piece. I guess the dog came out of hiding and found it.

Don't tell me I look bloated! Like I don't know it when my pants won't fasten and I need you to tell me about it. And I see you looking at me; you're still thinking it. Quit thinking. I can hear you thinking how fat I look, you know.

But you're right; I'm so fat and ugly that I don't know why you even want to talk to me, let alone look at me. I'm just not good for anything, and I can't do anything right. Leave me alone; I need a good cry right now.

What parrot? No, I haven't seen the parrot. I haven't been bingeing again and those aren't feathers in the corner of my mouth. Now give me some chocolate and no one will get hurt.

Learn more about this author, Rene Kelly.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.