by Mdmse. Amelie

Created on: April 26, 2008   Last Updated: June 02, 2009

Miss Manners said it best about being a house guest: "All you have to do is to remember everything you've learned in the last few years about being totally honest, in touch with your feelings, able to communicate your needs and committed to doing what makes you feel comfortable. And then forget it." What her guide to "Excruciatingly Correct Behavior" says is that adaptable, thoughtful people are always going to get a second invitation.

Growing up, every year I my very opinionated uncle would come from out of state to visit us. This meant frustration for every one who lived in our house. You would think that in our own home we should be able to go about our lives without being hassled and criticized, but my family often felt like moving targets for my retired army officer uncle. Often fewer than 24 hours would pass before he would find faults with how the household is run:

"Why do you buy milk at all? I see that you just use it in the coffee!"

"Why do you have the air conditioning on seventy degrees? You waste energy!"

"Why don't you clean behind the refrigerator? I've never seen such filth!"

Then he would proceed to remind us of the calories we were consuming at each meal (so we aren't always healthy, hello we're ITALIAN and we like starch) and where we ought to go shopping for clothes and that the background on our computer could be improved.

The worst type of house guest doesn't respect those who live there. It seems that my uncle simply believes that his way of living and manner of logic is superior to everyone else's and by giving us his brutally honest advice he is helping us out. Even if that were true, the greater problem is that with the unsolicited recommendations he breaks the most inviolable rule for being a house guest: Do not be a pain in the butt!

My honest uncle isn't the only house guest that has disgraced the hearth and home. One overnight stay became an agony for my poor tabby cat when my friend brought his pit bull puppy, Hazel, unannounced.

As the pup charged about the house and our kitty squeezed his big, furry behind under the sofa, I asked, "What were you thinking?"

His response was that "I thought that you liked Hazel."

"The CAT doesn't like Hazel."

With a twinkle in his eyes, "I was wondering what they would do together," was my friend's response.

As you can see, I willingly open my house to family and friends. Not all of them are rude. One fellow brings a case of beer, because it costs $10 less in his state,

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