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a period of a day or two.

Today I got several offers to view some photos of "fantastic cleavage." If I was really hot to look at cleavage, I'd only have to stand in front of a mirror and pull up my tee-shirt! It may not be fantastic cleavage, but it's definitely above average.

Another one in today's harvest invited me to "Feel your male superiority," and yet another to "become a new man" or "Control your male power." Uh, that would be really difficult, even if I were - for some unknown reason - interested. I'm not really OLD by today's standards, but I'm old enough to be sure that I am, and have been for as long as I can remember, 100% female, through and through.

If I were convinced of male superiority, I might be curious. However, being a female has served me very well and I'm quite happy, thank you very much, with my feminine self.

Of course, my 100% hetero female self doesn't have any body parts I want to make "longer, fuller, and stronger" either. Nor am I concerned with keeping my woman satisfied, begging for more and, not having a "lassie," don't really care about keeping her/it completely happy.

I frequently stay up very late at night, usually at my computer (with all my clothes on) or in front of the TV (again, fully clothed). By the time I finally get into bed, I'm pretty tired, and fall asleep in 5 or 10 minutes. So the offer of "more strength and stamina in bed" doesn't really interest me most of the time.

I only wear one watch at a time. The hundreds of offers for huge discounts on fake designer watches don't turn me on. I'd rather upgrade my software, the GENUINE version sold by the people who created it and sell it on their own websites or in stores. I can guarantee you that the only time most of them offers discounts is maybe two weeks before they launch a newer version!

And I wish they'd stop trying to sell me designer shoes. I've got a couple of nice pairs of shoes (in case I happen to go out and need to dress like a lady), and at least a dozen pairs of not so nice but very comfortable ones that I'm not going to replace without trying the new ones on first. So if these gazillions of independent sellers of designer shoes would like to tell me where their stores are located, I'll be sure to stop by and try on a few pairs the next time I'm in the neighborhood.

Google Mail does an infinitely better job of filtering out the trash than my website e-mail program does. But one snuck through yesterday: it was a job offer. The sender was looking for people in the U.S. to be payment expediters, to transfer funds around between banks and make really good commissions. And I think it said I didn't need to send any money when I applied. Don't worry! I promise not to send money! And I suppose if I go for that ancient and much publicized scam, you'll probably tell me you have a bridge you'd like to sell me.

Wouldn't it be nice if they'd all get a life and leave us alone!

Learn more about this author, Sondra Deuber.
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