by James Briscoe

Created on: April 26, 2008   Last Updated: June 03, 2008

Divorce is an issue that has become all too common this day and age. It seems that 'til death do us part no longer holds the meaning it once did. Many couples who have joined in holy matrimony now find themselves in broken relationships. This is a problem in itself, but what happens when it is not just a couple, but a family that falls apart? How can a couple find a way to help their children through a divorce? In many of these separations, there are indeed children involved. Parents are left to ask, how can I explain this divorce to my child? What if our children blame themselves? How will we tell our child that though we are separating, we are still always here for them? These are not easily answered questions, but as a grown person who was once a child of a divorced couple, I offer these suggestions.

So how do parents explain divorce to a child? The first thing to do here is sit down together and plan the conversation. This may be difficult because most divorcees do not get along, hence the divorce. An important thing to think about in this circumstance is that the child is more important than any problem they have. They must do whatever it takes to put aside their differences, if only for a moment, for their child's sake. It is not necessary to explain why they are not able to get along, only that there is going to be change. It is very important to explain that they both love the child no matter what. The exact circumstances of individual cases may require different explanations, but the main point is to assure their child that they are not involved in the reason for the divorce.

This leads to the next question, how do they explain to the child that the divorce is not the child's fault? Once again, I suggest the couple do this as a team. They should sit with the child and tell him or her something like "Sometimes grown ups make mistakes, but their children are not at fault." Another thing the divorcing couple should do here is remind the child again that they both love them, and will still be in the child's life.

That brings us then to the final question at hand, how do they convince the child that they will always be in his or her life? Honesty is required here. In the early stages of divorce, custody can sometimes be an issue. The couple should not consider this issue in front of the child. Instead, they should simply explain to the child that no matter who he or she lives with, they will still be able to see both parents. The parents should consider responsibility here, and let the child know that though couples sometimes split up, their children will always be their children, no matter what.

There is no easy way to handle this situation and parents should remember that. Divorce is difficult for all of those involved, especially children. That is the main point here, though the parents are in a hard situation, their children's emotions should be the number one priority.

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