by Meena Menezes

Created on: April 26, 2008   Last Updated: October 28, 2010

Divorce is an ugly seven letter word and it is often the children that are the hardest hit by it.
It can be a child's worst nightmare when his parents divorce. Some children experience mixed feelings, even a sense of relief, if they have realized that their parents were not happy together.

It is however imperative for children to be reassured that either way, they are in no way responsible for the divorce and it does not imply that their parents will want to leave them too.

Children need to be reassured time and again, that as parents your love for them has in no way changed; that their importance in your lives is still paramount and that you both want the very best for them.

Although, the children of a divorced couple usually live with only one parent most of the time, the absent parent should make it a priority to be as involved as possible in his child's life. This would mean spending quality time and keeping in touch with the child on a regular basis.

A divorce is a major turning point that can affect each family member differently. Children
are vulnerable and a divorce can turn their world upside down. As parents, you need to talk to them and give them the opportunity to voice their inner doubts and fears.

Let your child know that it is normal to experience feelings of anger, frustration, pain or sorrow and reassure them that you are always there to hear them out.

If you sense their frustration but realize that they don't want to interact with you then encourage them to talk to a close family member or friend.

It is also important that you as a parent you keep a positive attitude especially while around the child. Like they say, an idle mind is a devil's workshop so get your child involved in activities that he enjoys. This will undoubtedly divert his mind and leave him with little time to dwell over what has happened

If you notice that your child suffers from mood swings, has become a loner, or a bully, or that his grades in school have dropped, be patient. You have to realize that he is confused and traumatized and trying to come to terms with the situation. Talk to him, let him know that you are there to help in whichever way you can and reassure him, that it will get better.

A child needs to feel secure, he needs to know that he will not be abandoned, even though his parents are divorced. Fill his world with lots of attention and double doses of love and affection and leave it for time to heal the pain.

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