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Divorce is hard on everyone, especially children. It's important to let the child know that it isn't his/her fault that it's happening, as well as letting them know that they are still loved by both parents.
If the tension between the adults is too great, set up a "go-between". Allow the child to be dropped off at a mutual friend's house, grandparent's house, school, or daycare so that he is not subjected to any negative energy or words between the parents.
It is important for the parents to remember not to speak ill of the other parent while in front of the child. This will cause him great distress as he will feel torn between the two.
Don't go overboard and spoil the child with toys and ridiculous amounts of attention in hopes of gaining favor over the other parent, or to help him "forget" that anything is going on.
Your child will be going through some difficult emotions that he/she may not be able to understand or recognize. It's common for a child to "hate" one or the other parent during this time, trying to place blame and sort the whole thing out in his head. These feelings of anger and resentment will pass. Just be loving, patient, and understanding. Talk things out, let him have a chance to voice his feelings and thoughts.
There are books and videos out there that help explain divorce in a way children can gain a better understanding. They are available at most libraries, book stores, and on-line.
It is perfectly alright to cry in front of your child. Letting him know that you have feelings will allow him to experience his with more openness, allowing them to be worked through in a more healthy manner.
Even if you can't stand the site of your soon to be ex, no matter what they did to hurt you, remember that your child still loves him/her. Pictures of the non-custodial parent in your child's room may help them to feel more secure.
For some families, counseling is helpful, though many can make the adjustment without it. Be aware of your own personal needs, and the needs of your child. Know that it will take time for everyone to settle in to the new and different lifestyle and schedule.
Learn more about this author, Katrina Norman.
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