by Lisa McGee

Created on: April 25, 2008

If we are honest, we will admit that when we were young, we wanted to wear what everyone else wore and "fit in." It makes me cringe to think about how important it was to me, but it's true. I try to remember this, when dealing with my two preteen girls.

Kids want to dress like their friends once they enter the preteen years and this can be a source of stress between parents and their young daughters. Part of the problem is that what used to be normal wear for preteen girls, cute little dresses, ribbons and lace, lots and lots of lace, is not what is "in" now. Todays preteen clothing looks like it is made for the twenty something crowd.

Handling a shopping trip need not turn into a battle of the wills. It can actually be a good learning experience about compromise and self image. In order to accomplish this, it takes some ground work and patience.

I have always brought my girls shopping with me. I enjoy their company and we call it "girl time out" when we leave my husband and son at home. They especially love to go shopping when they know it's a clothing trip. It's a great time to talk about everything on these trips. They tend to share a lot about what other kids are doing and wearing during these trips as a way of figuring out what they like and what I think of it.

Sometimes it's harmless. They love stripes or need to have sparkles on their shirts. Other times it is not so harmless and we need to talk about what I think is wrong with the choice. For example, I do not want my girls wearing anything that has writing on the rear end. They didn't really care, but needed for me to explain why I thought it wasn't attractive. Once I did, they agreed with me.

Another example of clothing I refuse to budge on is anything with a snarky saying, for example "I saw it, wanted it, so my daddy bought it." I also don't like anything that refers to the wearer as a "princess." We have had some very good discussions about what kind of person would wear things like that.

Sometimes the issue is the cost of something. When that is the case, I ask them if they are willing to pay for it by doing extra chores. If they are, I am willing to let them have it. Most times, just saying they need to pay for it makes them rethink how much they need it. Occasionally, they decide they it is worth it. Most often they decide it's not.

There are times when we do not agree. When that happens, they know that I will have the last say and the case is closed. I have heard one of my girls say to the other "You might as well put that down, she'll never go for it!" They have had enough experience with me to know what my standards are.

This doesn't mean they won't try. Recently my seven year old found a pair of brown, suede, peekaboo toe, high heeled shoes, in her size (13 child's)! Here she came sauntering towards me, happy as all get out. I started shaking my head no. She kept coming. I kept shaking. She started pleading, telling me how much she loved them and how comfy they were. I agreed. They were beautiful and she looked great in them. I agreed to come back and look for them in ten years. I let her walk around a little longer and then we said goodbye to them. I believe she kissed them before we went.

It's OK to let them dream. It's OK to admit they look stunning in something totally inappropriate for their age. Then it's time to be the Mother. In the long run, they will appreciate that you were.

Learn more about this author, Lisa McGee.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.