by Phoebe Odingo

Created on: April 25, 2008   Last Updated: June 03, 2008

Helping children to deal with divorce is key to helping them not only to move on but to accept their fate. Most children feel like they are to blame for their parent's separation. This is an understandable reaction to loss. Assisting them to realize that they can continue to love their parents is paramount. In counseling the children, the following factors should be taken into consideration;

1). Let them understand that they will go through a painful process. Initially the idea of not having parents living at home can be devastating for certain children. They are bound to be withdrawn and not to want to associate with other kids. They will also be in denial about their plight. Helping them to begin to accept that their parents have decided separate is key to help them to move on.

2). Encouraging them to vent what they're feeling helps tremendously. Most people think that children should not have a say in matters that involve adults. The divorce is however an integral part of their lives and they should be able to participate fully. Let them share any fears they may have about the future. Negative feelings should not be viewed as a hindrance to healing. On the contary, that's the first part of healing.

3). They should be involved in any arrangements that involve their future. The fear of the unknown is what makes some kids act up. If they know what the custody arrangements and visitations entail, chances are they'll accept them eventually.

4). Children just like most adults react differently to adversity. There are those who adapt easily to difficult circumstances, while others are more resistant. Understanding the different personalities and dealing with them accordingly would help each one to deal with the circumstance.

5). Acknowledge that you understand how awful it is that their parents will not be together any more. It's the biggest step to healing and moving on.

If handled well most children adjust to divorce very positively. Not acknowledging the issue may extend the grieving process unnecessarily. Children are adaptable and will adjust to situations accordingly. The more information they have about a situation the less fearful kids are. Being upfront is paramount in preparing kids and helping them to deal with divorce.

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