by Kateriscribe

Created on: April 25, 2008   Last Updated: June 03, 2008

When The Marriage Is Over, the Family Is Not

Making the decision to end your marriage is never an easy one even though it may simply be the one that is best for everyone involved. One of the most important considerations during the divorce process will be your children. Learning ways that you can help them cope will go a long way in improving how they adjust to the new situation.

Peace and harmony is not often feasible during the divorce, or for a long time afterward. However, divorcing parents should do their very best to avoid confrontation in front of the children. That doesn't mean simply closing the door so the kids won't hear the argument. It's a familiar fact that the kids always hear what we didn't mean for them to hear, though we don't know how they do it. When you are both with the children, use as much discretion as you possibly can. Try to put your difference aside and achieve a level of friendship for the sake of the children. If you have a disagreement that must be discussed, make arrangements to do so when the children are not with either of you.

Depending on the age of the children, deciding how to explain the decision is the first step. If the children are mature enough in age and emotion, you can sit down with them and talk about why you are getting divorced. Children grasp much more of the world they live in than we might think. It could be that they already understand that Mom and Dad just don't get along anymore. Older children might even realize that the divorce is the best solution. Younger children need to be reassured that both parents still love them. Giving the younger children your entire attention and patience when they have questions about the divorce will give them some of that necessary assurance. Allowing each child to spend time with each parent, is an important requirement as well. Often times divorcing parents intentionally or inadvertently use the children as weapons against the other parent. Only too late, do we realize the hurt and damage this causes the kids.

Children need to be able to trust in the belief that even though the marriage is over, the family is not.

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