by Lydona Atchley

Created on: April 25, 2008   Last Updated: May 01, 2008

Many times in everyones life, death comes with no warning. When this occurs, no one has the chance to say their goodbyes to the their loved one. In todays world there are so many things that can take a loved one without a thought, Car accidents, plane crashes, murder, heart attack,stroke, work accidents and suicides. Not only does the survivor not get a chance to say goodbye , niether does the deceased.

There are things we all can do to get our goodbyes out and help us to start the healing process. One of the most helpful ways is to set down with pen and paper and put your feelings down in written form. Mnay write heart felt poetry. Others write journal entries each day as to how they are coping with their loss.

Writing a memoir about your life with the deceased as helped many to deal witht he loss and not saying goodby.We as humans need to say goodbye, this helps us adjust to the death. when the death comes from left field, the shock is great and then we begin to feel we let the person down.

One way to say goodbye after the death is to build a memorial at he site of the death, usually done when death comes by accident or murder. This act gives the survivor a sense of awareness to the surrondings and to keep the deceased living in their heart. Laying flowers at he site or on the grave is another way to say goodbye and keep them alive in their memory.

Many people put together rememberence photo albums, this is a way to immortalize them and have near at hand when they need to see them and gives the dsurvivor strength. Others plant trees or flower gardens to say goodbye, doing this keep a living memory, looking at the greenery helps them remeber life is ever changing.

Many create scholorships in memory of their loved one, they fell they are not only saying goodbye but are insuring a future for someone else. This is one of the most popular ways of saying goodbye but also keeping the memory alive.

We all grieve for the ones lost, but we seem to grieve harder and longer when it is sudden. If we would tell those we love and care for , tell them every day how much we love them , how much we would miss them if they were gone, then we could handle the sudden deaths better. Tell your parents how much you love them, how much you appreciate what they had to do to proivide for you, so this on a regular basis, so when death comes they know and you will feel better about not being there and not given the chance to say goodbye.

When my father died of liver and brain cancer, he was in a come for the last week , I and my siblings stayed at the hospital the entire time taking turns sitting with him, we told everyday of our feelings and said our goodbyes and whne the time came it helped in the healing process. But, when my 17 year old niece hung herself, none of us had a chance to say goodbye to her. I and my sister told her eevery time we were with her how we loved her and how we would miss her if something ever happened to her. I feel it helped us with the acceptence of the situation somewhat, no one understands why people commit suicide much when a yooung person does.

By telling her for years on regular basis we were able to grieve then heal, we did not feel deprived nor did we feel constant anxiety over not saying goodbye we knew she knew we loved her. We need to do things no matter what we choose to do, it has to help us deal with the loss and help us maintain a sense that the deceased knew how much we cared.

Therefore say goodbye how ever you can and live and heal, knowing you are not alone but have a world wide family that feels the same anxiety and confusion you are. You just have to find your own outlet to help yourself move on.

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