by Avery Cloward

Created on: April 25, 2008

Trust is a tricky thing. When you think you know everything about it, something happens that convinces you that you just don't. I used to trust everyone and everything, but suddenly all my trust turned to dust and floated out my window through the cracks in the shutters. I've lost trust in anyone who speaks, and I haven't told a million secrets to a single soul. A single soul except Jesus.

While growing up, I've been told, "Jesus is your best friend!" And I accepted that. But I accepted it with a "can be", and not an "is". I always knew he was there, but I didn't think that having him as one I could trust would ever let the weight off my heart of things that I knew I needed to tell someone. When my trust vanquished into thin air, I kept my secrets for a while. but, slowly, my heart was full of secrets, and I knew I couldn't fit anymore inside without telling someone about the rest. I needed help in so many areas, but I didn't trust anyone to share my personal life with them. I kept it all buried inside, with my heart as a coffin, and confined my secrets to that dreary place.

All my life, I've wanted to be a writer, and I kept that dreams dangerously close to my heart. One day, I was arguing with my brother about some trivial subject, and we both got so angry we stormed out of the room. I slammed my bedroom door and stewed in there for maybe an hour or so, and then came out. I needed something to get my mind off all that happened, so I went on the computer to write my story. No sooner had I entered my story folder to find that my story was gone. Deleted, erased, gone. I was nearly finished with that story, and was looking forward to finishing it, but that moment I knew that it was all but impossible now. I knew who had done it, and my brother admitted that it was true. I was angry, and I yelled at him and called him names, but that didn't let my anger out. For the next few weeks, my anger boiled hot in my heart, but I didn't tell anyone about it. I couldn't. I didn't trust them enough. I didn't feel like I could write another word. I was so discouraged and angry with it all. Finally, one day I just sat down and tried to get it all off my mind. I heard a small voice sounding in the back of my head, and I knew what it was saying. I folded my hands reluctantly, and shared it all with Jesus. The next thing I knew, I was downstairs forgiving my brother for what he had done, and, surprisingly, he said he was sorry. I also felt much better after it, and from that day I found myself sharing things with Jesus more and more. My heart is light, and my troubles few.

There's never been a day since then that I have felt that I could not trust anybody. Trust is not so tricky and prickly as it was before, but now it is a wonderful thing that I indulge in. I may still not trust others so much, but I find that I can tell anything to Jesus.

One thing I know about trust now. If you put your trust in Jesus, he cannot and will not ever fail you.

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