by Michael Kryton

Created on: April 25, 2008   Last Updated: May 25, 2011

Relationships are hard work. There are rewards for hard work. If every serious writer at Helium spent as much time nurturing their relationships in life as much as they (as writers) develop relationships with their invisible readers, they would be blissfully disposed to feel love every day.

So, what gives? To think that I, a mere man on the planet, would even attempt to scribe a guide proclaiming proactive protocols, procedures and measures to the good will of my fellow man seems incredulous, possibly ridiculous. Therein is the quandary.

Should I impart male experience to women seeking to understand their partners better? Or should I embrace my manly peers and share the little I know, hoping someone will email me and invite me out for a beer? So many questions.

This leads me to the first point in the mini-guide to surviving relationships. Ask the other person in your life more relationship oriented questions. The question - "Why do you keep picking on me?" - is not really a question. It's an invitation to an argument.

Try a little reverse psychology. Ask her this. "If you were feeling that I was picking on you a lot, how would you handle it?" Of course, she might respond with, "Why? Do you think I'm picking on you?" This proves the truism that women are usually two planets ahead of men. Nonetheless, you have just found a way to stimulate a potentially constructive conversation about an issue that bothers you. In those types of situations, there's always a possibility that the issue is bothering her, too.

This leads me to the second point in the mini-guide to wetter relationships. Framing issues and dealing with challenges through respectful tactics, in and of itself and by implication, lead to the nurturing of respect in a relationship. Almost every time I watch a news report about an elderly couple celebrating their umpteenth anniversary, I inevitably hear one of them say that the longevity of their successful association has a lot to with respect.

Let me be honest, not that I've been lying to you all this time. I don't always appreciate the things my life partner does. The same is true, vice versa. I don't respond well to harshness. Nor does she. Do you?

What I do know is that after two failed marriages, the reason my current relationship has lasted the longest has a lot to do with my understanding of what respect really means in a relationship. It means that the most accurate reflection of who I am is mirrored in the faces and attitudes directed to me from the people I connect with.

For me and my gal, respect has found its way into the ways we love, argue, laugh and cry together. Life isn't perfect. We're not perfect. Perfection is, at best, imperfection at work.

This leads me to my last point in the mini-guide to an unfettered relationship. Laugh together - once - every day. It's not easy to do, if you don't do it often. Once you do bring it into your life, it ignites passion and happiness. When was the last time you both laughed together? Really ... ?

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