MOTHERING MALES
"RAISING MEN"

I have discovered many years later after my four sons have become adults, that "mothering them as well as being too dominant," while they were children, in hopes of raising them to be strong confident and secure men, should have stopped after they had reached a certain age . For me, these two things do not go hand in hand . What qualifies me to make such a statement you ask? Well first off I gave birth to four males and each of them had at least five male friends who were often at our house for visits and sleepovers. I grew up in a household with five male brothers, one older than me and four younger than me, who also had even more friends than my sons ever had.. I've also been married three times to individuals who came from some pretty murky, dominant and"mothering mother's" themselves I have ten nephews who I watched grow up from birth, three grandsons and a host of male cousins and friends. I think that qualifies me at least a good 75%, not to mention my friends and neighbors who had sons, along with the males who participated in the after-school program I worked for on the first floor.

I do realize now, how vital it is to have the biological father in the home ,or involved with them regularly (as long as he's sane) or a positive, secure, adult male role model (who hopefully was positively influenced by his father). The way I see things now is, "instead of trying to find a good man for myself back then, I should have also made sure that the men I brought into my life were "good enough," for my sons. The idea of a woman being both father and mother usually will end up being futile and in vain. I've realized that, too "mothering a mother", can be just as bad as being too "dominant a mother" to our sons. And we the women can try with all our might, believing we can do anything a man can and still be in for a rude awakening. Even if a women has her body injected full of testosterone, you'd still be only a mother to your sons.

I was more of a dominant "mothering mother", believing it was necessary in order for me to raise my sons into "real" men. Coupled with the fact, that we lived in Public Housing, (the jets), I felt sure that being a dominant, strong women was for their own good as well as for their safety.

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