by Tom Brown

Created on: December 12, 2006   Last Updated: April 18, 2007

Successful Caregiving

The male caregiver today has a plethora of information available to help him be successful in caring for his loved one. The Internet has literally hundreds of sights devoted to breast cancer and many of them have message boards or sections that discuss the role of the caregiver. Now there is even a national organization called Men Against Breast Cancer (www.menagainstbreastcancer.org) that is set up specifically to provide information to male caregivers. In addition my book Men Bleed Too is an excellent source of information for any caregiver. The book can be previewed at www.thomasbrownbooks.com.

There are so many things to discuss about successful caregiving. I am going to concentrate on three areas that I found most important: communication, education and taking care of yourself.

Communication: This is probably the most important job and one of the most challenging for the caregiver. After diagnosis the cancer patient will have to live with the physical, emotional and social consequences of having cancer. The caregiver must be able to communicate with the patient in an effective manner. Listen to the needs of the patient. Listen to their fears and be supportive. There are no magic answers. Be mindful that men and women generally communicate differently. Women often express their feelings more openly. When your loved one is talking, listen intently before offering a response. Sometimes she only wants you to hear how she feels and is asking for support not advice. A simple hug and "I understand, and will always be here for you," is all the response that is needed. I think that establishing open and honest communication throughout the process helps both the caregiver and the patient.

Education: Most male caregivers have no idea what is involved when their loved one is told that she has breast cancer. It is imperative that the caregivers learn as much about the disease as possible in a very short period of time. As stated above, there are hundreds of sites on the Internet devoted to this subject. The cancer treatment facility that you are using has useful brochures and pamphlets to help the caregiver better understand breast cancer. You should also learn as much as you can about the treatment your loved one will undergo. I would take a tape recorder to every meeting that you have with your doctors and ask permission to record the session. At the very least, I would keep a journal with very detailed notes to include the date, time, type and

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