Well let me start of saying,I am a prime example of childhood abuse..Yes it does lead to abuse in your adult relationships..As a child living with my paternal grandmother..I suffered a lot of emotional abuse, at first..That alone gave me no self esteem. As a little girl, I was chubby. Not obese, but I was chunky..That was the first thing she would pick on me about. That I was fat, and that no boy would ever like me. If I keep eating that I will be big as a house, and nothing will ever fit me, and I will be ugly.. She would consistently tell me not to eat..that is too much,how much more you going to have.. But at the dinner table,we always had to finish out plate. Leftovers were not allowed,even though she cooked for an army, there was only three of us..The weight was the first thing that started..Kids would tease me,and knock me around on the playground..I was pushed around by everyone, even as a young child..

Then as I got older,and her standpoint of good grades had to be all A's..No B's, and God forbid, a C..When report card time came,they were not all A's,and she would rant and rave how stupid I was,and that I was no good for nothing..

Well into my teens,I started to have a complex about my size, and of course boys..That no one was ever going to like me..

I was constantly on a diet, and if memory serves me correct, I was thin..But, I never saw myself as thin..I have always been a large frame girl..So no mattter the weight I still look thick. Boys took an interest and grandma was not having it...Now even though I may have not been doing anything, she would call me a slut,gonna end up like your mother...over and over again..Everything had to be done her way, or no way.. Right done to the cleanliness of your room..Perfection was what she demanded! If I got a progress report, she would not speak to me for two weeks, ignoring me when I spoke to her..Making me feel unwanted,she never accepted dreams to be a writer..Even though at 18 I received a contract for one of my poems. That wanted to turn it into a song..She ranted and raved how useless that was,I was stupid and worthless. I would never amount to nothing..

Physically she became abusive when grandpa was not around..He would not allow her to do that to me..It got so bad,that I had run away several times..Finally at 18 I left home..

Relationships were never really my strong point..I was so use to be put down, told that I was ugly..Well, I expected that from any man..When I married my husband, I already had a five year old child. In the beginning our relationship was wonderful..I couldn't believe how perfect he seemed to be.

Even though he didn't like it when I went out by myself, he wanted to keep me company..That is what he told me..He was jealous,extremely jealous..And the first taste of this I will tell you..Late on night, after work..I gave his brother a ride to his friends house..So I came home later then usual..As soon as I walked in,he pushed me into our bedroom and locked the door. I asked what was wrong,and before he could answer..He hit me across my face so hard, that it cut me right down my cheek..

That started a weekly thing, and then daily..Well I forgave him every time..Cause he was my husband and I was taught you never tell and always keep it a secret..That is what I did, cause that I didn't feel that I was worth anything at all..

So yes,abuse in your childhood, unfortunately teaches you to accept it as an adult.

Abuse comes ii all forms,even if you don't see it at first.

Learn more about this author, Lexy Lane.
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