by Michael Frissore

Created on: April 23, 2008   Last Updated: June 11, 2008

John is one of those people who will hear something in passing and become obsessed with it. He won't hear anything before or after. Just one sentence or phrase. Then he'll go around telling people about it and acting like he knows something. And he loves what he calls "mysteries," when they're usually just "fun facts." For example, years ago, when he was a teenager, he learned that sleeping on your left side is bad for your heart; so he hasn't slept that way since. That he learned this from the situation comedy "Roseanne," or that it was probably a bunch of hooey, doesn't matter. As long as he's doing something he thought was for his own health, who am I to mock him for that?

So John recently heard the phrase "Armistice Day" on the radio. Nothing else. No context or anything. Just the phrase. It may not have even been the radio. Some guy at a bar might have said something about it. John couldn't wait to ask me why we do not celebrate this obviously wonderful day. I thought about making something ridiculous up to see if he would buy it, but I wasn't in the mood. So I decided to explain the day to him like I usually do, which is like he's a child.

"Well, you see, John," I said. Then I proceeded to tell him about how it was Armistice Day in the U.S. until after World War II, when it was changed to Veterans Day. It's known as Remembrance Day in Britain, but some countries still have Armistice Day. I really impressed myself; I felt like a teacher.

"That's stupid," John said. If only I could send him to the principal's office. "We should all have Armistice Day."

"Why?" I said. "Because it sounds cool? You don't even know what an armistice is."

"So?"

"Veterans Day," I continued. "Is all inclusive. Whereas that other day merely remembers the first World War, which no one alive remembers anymore. We've had a few wars since then."

"Like what?" He said this. I'm not kidding.

"I will punch you," I replied. "You know damn well what wars we've had since then. I've already mentioned one of them. And remember when we watched Full Metal Jacket'?"

"Oh, yeah," he said. "Well, who changed it? Who changed it to Veterans Day?"

"I don't know. It might have been Jimmy Stewart. He was pretty popular back then. Ted Williams might have had a hand in it."

"Teddy Ballgame?" John said. "No. That's silly. I'm gonna find out who did this."

"And do what, John?" I said. But he had already scampered off. He really is like a seven-year-old sometimes, but you have to admire his quest for knowledge.

I didn't

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