by Amanda Devlin

Created on: April 22, 2008

I have never been a big believer in "love makes the world go round". I have seen and experienced things that maybe some others have, but some things are quite unique. Such as my bond with my brother. My parents died back in 1986 and my brother was all I had. I always looked up to him and admired him for so many things, but we are quite different and I don't know how many more tears that I can cry from him.

He was recently diagnosed with an incurable disease, which we have all came to terms with in our own way. He choose running away. Away from his daughter, away from me, his only sister, his grandmother. All the family that he has. Now this disease allots him 15 years left to live although the last 7 will probably be miserable years, but he still has some good years left to enjoy his daughter who is only 7 years old.

So, as I'm writing this and as you are reading it don't be quick to judge, please. I love my brother with all my heart. And I would do anything for him. As I have done so. Let him borrow money, walk all over me, break my heart and I just stand there like a fool and take it. I have even questioned whether he loves and cares about me like I do him. Or is he selfish? I, of course, can't answer these questions alone, but deep in my heart I know the outcome. He pulls on my heart strings and I give in. This is the brother that I was there for his graduation, his wedding, his birth of his daughter. Every big event in his life I was there to share in the happiness. He couldn't make it to my graduation, he couldn't make it to my wedding, and he missed the birth of my children. Now, if it was just one or two things, okay, stuff comes up, but everything. I question.

Now, don't get me wrong because I love him and I am quite aware that I am not perfect so I shouldn't expect perfection in return, but when is enough, enough? How do you say no to someone that means the world to you.

I realized today, that I can't pick up my brothers pieces anymore. I can't send him money anymore because he cannot hold down a job, and I refuse to wipe the tears from his daughters eyes because he has to grow up sometimes. And maybe if I form a backbone where he is concerned he will get a backbone and start realizing there are consequences to his actions. And you should life life unselfishly because other peoples feeling do matter.

Learn more about this author, Amanda Devlin.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.