by Quo Elbert

Created on: April 22, 2008   Last Updated: May 09, 2008

Finally! A serious topic. I, for one, am a library groupie/dweller. Wuv, wuv, wuv the place; that is to say that my feelings for these refuges of knowledge, hope, dream, fantasy and assumed wisdom run just slightly less intense than Love, Love, Love. So if you want to annoy me and my brethren, let me offer ten quick tips to assure dirty sideways glances, rolling eyes and the occasional tight-lipped reprimand hissed in your direction:

1. The Home Office...at the Library.
Stroll in, briefcase and papers in hand. Litter the table with your papers, leather-laptop satchel, and a couple thick books for looks. Now, the problem is not the scene unfolding here. The problem is the conference calls you insist on holding.

2. The Deaf Parent...at the Library.
The Christian Bible tells us to, "Suffer the little children..." But, crying babies kill the vibe as much as the unattended car alarm. If your precious doesn't come with a remote, and you refuse to take your bundle of joy outside, you're well on the road to annoying even the best of us. *

3. The Parentless...at the Library.
Now, let me preface this with the fact that the majority of unaccompanied minors know how to act courteously. Now, let me follow that up with the fact that the preceding statement is a total and complete lie if kids are in groups of 2 or more. (Hey, I understand the intoxicating power of peers, even as an adult!) One of the absolute best ways to annoy us Library Dwellers is to leave your litter of tweens/teens and their friends behind, while you peel off, leaving only the screech of tires and your maniacal laughter trailing behind you. Most adults are scared of today's kids (much less "funny" than "true".) Because of that, this technique is not only annoying, but also frustrating and a little humiliating. Kudos.

4. The Hover-er...at the Library.
For those familiar with the free use of computers at most libraries, you may know that the use is limited to about one hour. Many times, you are also aware of the person sitting nearby waiting to scoot you off your computer as soon as your period is up. You can identify this person by the following: (a) frequent glances thrown your direction, followed by a slow swing of the eyes towards the big clock on the wall overhead. (b) Obnoxious sighs, prompting you to remove yourself, sooner. And, some even resort to (c) the dreaded "throat clear". Note, if this person then begins staring holes in the back of your head, RUN...'cause it's probably me.

5. The Keyboard Player...at

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