by Budianto Dermawan Ng

Created on: April 22, 2008   Last Updated: December 05, 2009

"We want the partner that shares the perfection, but not the one who is using it against us."

We can identify two categories of partner's perfection: outer and inner factors. The outer is consisted of what we see and what that person have, like physical attributes or wealth. The inner factor is the emotional side of the person, the "immortal" perfection that will be burning its flame longer than the first one.

Physical perfection.

What is the point if you have a handsome and rich man, who you think is perfect for you, but on the other side he is waving to other women behind your back? The same to men. What's the point if you are dating a beautiful woman but her one month's pedicure and manicure is your responsibility, which is your one-month salary?

Both of them are physical perfectionists, the man is rich, the girl is beautiful. Which one will not be proud to become their spouses? But can you stand for their needs? These are small samples from many that were using their physical perfections against us.

For those who don't, they will use in the right field, like in a business relationship. It's normal; which clients didn't like when they have an appointment with a beautiful lady? She is using her physical perfection to attract the client and fetch the possibility of success. Furthermore, if she is good in lobbying her clients for marketing or public relations. The same with a man, which banker will reject a man who owns a private jet plane?

But they will also seek an equal partner who can balance their needs and has the same ideas with what they are. Briefly, only a lucky minority person who can become their spouses, this type is not many of them in the society.

Emotional perfection

Emotional perfection has the same rule; we want a partner who can share with the perfectionist, and not using it against us. A person that has the ability in detecting other weaknesses would be very much appreciated, if he/she can use it to develop his/her partner's emotional maturity. It's different if that person use the ability to manipulate or use on his/her spouse. This is bad for relationship's health.

When a person attacks someone's personality, the receptor will surrender because lack of ability or fight against with low ability condition. But usually the dominant side will win the battle. This will make the relationship lately produces a leader and a subordinate status.

Due to the length of time, emotional perfection will be a durable trauma if it's used against us, because this person will only accept what suits the best and reject all bad stuff and leave it to us as a reason to blame on us.

If this condition happens, this will be a timed-bomb which will be exploded one day, when the weak side had prepared everything, or using what he/she owns better than this person, to revenge back of the emotional attack. If a relationship is going like this behavior, they are gambling on them. The relationship is patterned with a win-lose solution and not a win-win solution anymore.

Summary:

Either we need a perfection in partner or not, is depending on how the owner suits the ability to use in the right field or against us. This person must understand that nobody's perfect in life, he/she also has the weaknesses of what others have. Then try to consult with your partner to suit both your needs properly, consult of yours and your partner owns to complete each other to become a solid, mutual developing tools for the sake of your relationship.

Learn more about this author, Budianto Dermawan Ng.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.