by Ann E. Smith

Created on: April 21, 2008   Last Updated: November 14, 2010

Getting along with other people isn't always easy. Whether it's the know it all, the bully, the prima donna, the basket case, the passive aggressive, or the snitch, difficult people usually share something in common: they want to play by their own rules and punish those who don’t succumb to them.

No matter how much we strive to be peaceful and calm, it's these very people who make us lose our cool in the flash of a second and engage full-on in a game they are far more skilled at winning.

Our frustration grows and we ultimately give in, further enabling bad behavior on the other person’s part. But this cycle can be stopped, as there are tactics you can take when dealing with difficult people.

First, if you sense that someone is even the slightest bit difficult, you are probably right. The sooner you know what you are dealing with, the better. While we often want to throw our hands up in the air and just give in to difficult people so as to make them go away, a suggestion is to simply - when possible - face the prima donna head on.

Believe it or not, difficult people often respond to facts and to directness. It’s critical though that you remain calm and direct. If you call someone on their nonsense and let them know you are not going to put up with it, you have exerted some power in the situation. Whether through nonverbal looks or through verbal rule setting, you can call a spade a spade and let the difficult person know what you are willing to take or deal with.

If you can do this in a non-emotional and non-attacking mode, you will have accomplished quite a feat - catching the difficult person off guard. You will also likely earn some respect from this person.

Next, be sure to enforce what you have established with your ongoing behavior and interactions with this person. A difficult person will test you, therefore making it crucial that you behave as you say you will and enforce the rules. Unless the difficult person truly believes there are consequences to their behavior, they will continue to push others – often in subtle ways that get more blatant over time.

Some difficult people, however, are lost cases and will not respond to firmness, fairness or coaching. In this case, it’s probably wise to minimize contact with this person and to avoid dealing with them as much as possible. It will save your sanity and keep you from beating your head against a wall. Some people are just not worth engaging with, and are best kept at a far distance.

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