by Theresa O'Riordan

Created on: April 21, 2008

I can speak from personal experience on this issue. I was fired last year from my job for, I'm sure, a number of reasons. I am still attempting to grapple with the possible reasons and figure out how I might avoid this happening again in the future.

When someone is fired, it is a shocking feeling. Suddenly, you are outside the day-to-day structure of modern life. You go to the bank, the grocery store, and on other errands, and you find yourself realizing everyone seems to have a job but you. This is a very disconcerting experience.

Depending on your general attitude toward life and toward society, you will surely react different ways. For many of us, the loss of a job and the ensuing search for a new one mirrors the grief process quite well.

The first stage many suddenly unemployed people go through is that of being shocked and in denial. Naturally one knows he or she is out of a job, but the situation may seem somewhat unreal. This can also be a defense mechanism used by those of us who have difficulty dealing with change or loss at any level. For the first few weeks after being fired, I was subconsciously laboring under the delusion that I was merely on vacation.

When the gravity of the situation finally did hit me, I became overwhelmed with asking "why me". This is consistent with the second phase of the grief process. The individual may start to question his or her worth, as well as his or her ability to function well in the workplace. During this phase, I sought out psychologists, and was constantly saying "well, everyone was against me and wanted me to get fired". The psychologist tried to help me modify my thinking, and thus my behavior in the future, by telling me that such generalizations on my part were unrealistic and unhealthy. He tried to walk me through the reality of what I may have actually done to be fired, and get my mind away from feeling like a hopeless victim.

A third stage that is associated with the grief process is that of becoming depressed and withdrawn. The individual is no longer asking "why why why" like a nagging toddler, but he or she may feel even more socially inadequate and unworthy of attention. So much emphasis is given in our culture on what an individual does for work, that some people who have been in a specific occupation for years may feel they have actually lost their identity. Further, the person may feel that it will be difficult to get a new job: How will they spin or mask their firing during their next job interview?

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