Of all the things parents can do for their children, loving them and listening to them are the most important things they parents should do. This is especially true with young girls. Young girls see life through the eyes of inexperience that, for the most part, only able to see the now and not the later. Every incident, no matter how minor, is important to them. Each should be treated as such. Not because the incident is important, but because your daughter is important.
I am the daughter of a three year old girl. I have already experienced the drama that comes with girls. "My ocean is gone and will never, ever come back," she wailed for an hour after I pulled the plug in the bathtub. "You don't have a teen girl, why should I listen to you?" You are probably thinking. Well, I was a teen girl once. I remember all too well the drama in my life. I now laugh at the what was, at that time, to me world-ending events. I don't laugh, however, when I remember how I felt at the time. Those feelings were real.
My mom listened, but she also did a lot of talking. Oh, all the times I've heard, "I remember when" and "I was in the same situation and I..." Truth be told, I didn't care. I wasn't her. I wasn't living in the days when getting Beatles tickets was the most important thing in the world. I was living in the day that Robert Yeats wouldn't speak to me. Who was Robert Yeats? I have no idea who he was. I do know what he was. He was the cutest, smartest, and funniest boy in school and I loved him. He passed notes to me in class and then asked Traci Edwards to the school dance. My mom missed that point because she was telling me all about Charlie Moss and how she wanted...I have no idea what she wanted. I had quit listening way back at "there was this boy I liked..."
I knew my mom loved me, but I didn't think she understood me. I wanted her to understand me, my life and why Robert was so important to me. Listening and understanding was all I wanted from her. As time went by, she would realize when I would "turn her off." More importantly, she realized why I had turned her off. She began to listen to me, without comment, with her heart and not just her eyes. Our relationship greatly improved. Today, I know I can call her and tell her anything.
What if my mom hadn't learned that lesson only experience can teach a mother? I hate to even speculate. I had peers whose mothers didn't learn this lesson. Some became unwed teen-age mothers, turning to hormone-driven young mes for the acceptance they didn't find at home. Some turned to a bottle tequila or a bottle of pills for the chance to release their emotions. Others did worse and turned to heroin and cocaine. Many went on with their lives, getting married and having children. Then getting divorced and married again. Divorce and married again. They are still searching for the love only a mother can give by simply listening.
Thankfully, I never did any of those things. By the grace of God, my mom learned to listen to all my life-altering events without commentary. She hugged and kissed all my troubles away without saying a word. She didn't have to say anything. She was present and accounted for in my life. She just listened. If she hadn't, I don't know what kind of trouble I would have found myself in or where I would be today. I said that learning to listen was a lesson only experience can teach. I learned that lesson from the experiences I had with my mom as a teen-ager. I used that information to let my little girl vent all about her broken heart over the empty bathtub. I hope I remember it when some boy breaks her heart in high school. I also hope I remember to forget all about Robert Yeats; he will be of no help and she wouldn't want to hear it even if it could help her. She will just want me to listen.