by Krymzen Hall

Created on: April 21, 2008   Last Updated: December 10, 2008

When Lenora chuckled, the world I had come to know ceased to exist. Nothing was tangible. I knew that laugh. I knew that smile. My blood boiled, peeling the skin off my heart, leaving its membranes exposed to Lenora's infectious lies. But on the outside, I played my hand as cool as the flip side of a pillow. I calmly put my glass down and led her away from Shane's cocktail party. Nobody realized I was bleeding internally.

Without a word, Lenora knew my rage.

"Please forgive us, Katie," she said.

We were alone, but Lenora begged for forgiveness for the two souls who dwelled within her. She needed forgiveness for the woman she had surgically become, and the man she used to be, mine. Ironically, Shane, my best friend, was supposed to marry her at dawn on the same patio that my heart had started to hemorrhage on.

My stare pricked her flesh. Her eyes haunted me in return. In them, I saw the man of my dreams who robbed me of my ability to sleep. I pictured my soul mate. The one who promised to stay with me forever, yet suddenly vanished. I remembered the future father of my children, who now stood before me as the bride-to-be.

The love of my life turned out to be a walking oxymoron.

I should've known when Lenora paid for my first-class ticket from Chicago back home to L.A., that she had more planned than just proving to Shane that she could welcome me, his platonic best friend, into her life. The real motive was to come clean after the wedding. Her timing would have worked if she hadn't laughed. Once a woman has made love to a man, she knows him intricately. His emotional signatures sear into memory. His cry, his scream, even his laugh becomes distinguishable from any angle, regardless of how feminine his voice may befall.

Staring in those familiar eyes became too much. My cold hostility melted into tears.
Lenora softly wiped my eyes and offered an explanation. Leaving Los Angeles to have the surgery was critical to her anonymity. She had returned, looking for me, but had found Shane instead.

"Hurting you is my only regret, Katherine," Lenora whispered.

Finally, I felt like I was talking to David, her former self.

"There's my two favorite ladies!" Shane jolted us.

Lenora's shiver told me Shane had no clue.

I asked myself, "Do I forgive David and forsake the honest friendship I have with Shane? Do
I tell Shane the truth and betray the man who owns my virginity?"

My mother's wisdom returned to me. "Sometimes Katie, to move on, you must shut a door with forgiveness. But, have enough courage to keep that same door cracked just enough, for somebody to peek in and learn something from your life. Closure without honesty is another form of greed."

"Lenora," I finally spoke with soft clarity. "Tell David I forgive him."

I walked away with bittersweet peace. No matter the outcome, my life-long relationship with
Shane was forever altered.

I heard Shane ask Lenora, "David? How do you know that bastard?"

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