by Robin Tidwell

Created on: April 21, 2008

Teenagers are an entirely different species than most that inhabit the earth, or so it appears to rational adults. Many of us have forgotten those angst-filled days and the emotional roller-coaster that accompanies those years, from roughly age twelve to age nineteen, and sometimes beyond.

Children need to be taught independence before they can be allowed to experimentally leave the nest. A child should be taught responsibility and accountability and decision-making, besides the basics of self-care and even financial familiarity, long before being allowed much freedom at all.

Suppose you have done all these things and your teenager begins exhibiting signs of chafing at his particular restrictions do you allow him to go his own way, do you allow him to make all his own decisions? Many parents do just this, and they are often left to wonder where they went wrong, what else they could have done to ensure a smooth transition to adulthood for their child.

Teenagers need restrictions. Some may need a curfew, some even need a bedtime. They need rules to follow, still, even though they may be taller and stronger than you. Of course rules mean that parents care - we've all heard that. And kids believe it as well - but that doesn't mean they like having those rules!

Many teenagers push the limits of curfew (and/or bedtime!); many blow off schoolwork, at least to a point; many talk back and slough off their chores. Most appear selfish and self-centered, at least often enough that parents fear they've raised a monster. But when is "bad" behavior beyond the pale?

When your teenager is rude and disrespectful, to you and to others; when your teenager engages in fairly consistent risky behavior (drugs, alcohol, gangs, etc.); when your teenager gets mixed up with the wrong crowd or shows up on the wrong side of the law - these are times when behavior has moved into a different, more serious, zone.

Perhaps you took no steps to change their behavior or punish them when things began to escalate; perhaps you did, and nothing worked. Every family, every individual, has their own unique breaking points and dividing lines. Every person belongs solely to himself, and what works for one may not work for another. As a parent, you may indeed have tried it all - your child is his own, and he alone is responsible for what he does.

Just recently my son turned fifteen. Prior to this he was a "good kid", he got decent grades (with constant pushing), his friends were all "normal", church-going kids

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>