by ProudScHeritage

Created on: December 11, 2006   Last Updated: March 24, 2011

After twenty five years of marriage, my mom decided she wanted a divorce. I'm 24, my brothers are 22 and 18, my sister the baby of the family is only 7.

My mom had just had enough. None of us were ever good enough for my dad's expectations of perfection. It's ok, I accepted that. But the morning my mom told dad that she wanted the divorce was the morning my dad's control issues went out of proportion. He actually accused me! He turned to my 22 year old married brother and cried for weeks. Nothing changed towards my youngest brother, he was still the scapegoat, all dads frustrations came out on him in yelling matches.

When dad would come to the house to pick my sister up, he would start yelling and screaming at everyone except her. My brother's cried begging mom give him another chance, dad was hurting so much. He begged all of us to talk to mom, tell her he loved her. He kept throwing guilt trips on all of us, and it was us that were never good enough for him. It was us he would yell at for no reason at all. I can't even recall a time I was allowed to be a child.

As the meetings continued and the yelling arguments got worse, mom finally told him he couldn't come back to the house. Of course, my siblings and I felt bad because dad seemed to have somewhat opened his eyes to what he had done to us over the years. He wasn't allowed to come back to the place he called home. He thought all was well with his family, all was secure, but he had to face his family and friends and tell them he was getting a divorce.

One Saturday morning mom had to call an ambulance because I was having severe pains. Mom then called my dad and the first thing he said was "She can't drive herself?" Then he asked my mom," Do you miss me?"
My husband, mother and I later found out that I was bleeding internally from an ectopic pregnancy that burst. After surgery that night, I found out that dad had started a yelling match with my husband which caused my mom to leave the hospital while I was having emergency surgery. When I got out of surgery I was told all that had happened, which even involved the security guards. I was furious. That was the last time I spoke with my father and he hasn't made any attempts to contact me.

I always knew he thought little of me, but the realization of just how much really thought has come out over the past couple of months. As time ticks by, he still tries to pull guilt trips on my mom, he still whines to my married brother and my eighteen year old brother avoids him at all costs. My sister for the most part has faired well, she never witnessed any of the yelling and cruelties. Maybe she will have the father she deserves and the one we never had. Our family is torn apart now.

It hurts that I couldn't help, that he accused me, blamed me for my mother's. Mom never wanted us involved even from the beginning.

Adult children are affected by their parent's divorce. Most less than others, but sometimes the children get pulled in. It isn't always by choice, especially when the adult children don't want to burn a bridge that may never be mended. So we listen, we offer what advice we can, we talk to the other parent a little, try to ease things. But if we walk away from the whole situation, if we say we don't want to hear it, or don't want to get into the middle of it, then the bridge starts to burn.

I'm not ready to say goodbye to my father, he is the only one I have. Limits will be set though, when I'm ready to confront him. Even my children shy away from him. Maybe one day..........

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