by S. A. Holley

Created on: April 21, 2008

"Lost"

I woke up this morning.
Morning's like this scare me.
Mornings I know I don't
have to be at work.
It's not to bad at first.
There's alot to get done
in the mornings in that first
hour.Then everyone is
gone. Off to school.
Off to work. I'm left
alone with my thoughts.

Too much time alone
with my mind. The instability of
my thoughts and emotions begins to show.
No one sees the battle that goes

on inside my head and my soul.

The initial,today, I'm not going to allow my
head to go there. The initial, I'm going to throw
myself into housework, and maybe
some writing. And maybe I won't write
something this morning that will come
back to haunt me this afternoon.

But then really, I'll write about this nightmare,
these thoughts, these emotions that wrap themselves
around my soul. But then, not really. I'll turn them into
a fairytale story, so no one knows I'm really writing
about me. Or maybe so I won't know I'm writing
about me.

I've become so good at hiding myself.
Around 3 I'll pull myself out of my fetal
position and dry my eyes from the hours
of crying over, what, I don't even know.
I'll wash my face, and apply my make up.
And then I'll greet them as they come home,
taking the last moment before they come in
to straighten the house, and my emotions, so
it looks like I had a normal, busy day.

And then I'll spend the evening in a busy haven,
getting dinner, checking homework, helping with baths.
Then bedtime will come, and I will get everyone tucked
away and sink down into my pillow, breathing a sigh of
relief, because I survived another day with too much time
to think, and because I know that tomorrow I have to go in
to work, and I will be able to lose myself in invoices
and phone calls, and every day normalcy. Maybe tomorrow will
get me past the next day that inevitably comes. Another day off.
To spend with my mind.

On the one hand, they say all the great writers are a little
insane. On the other hand, I've yet to publish anything
really brilliant.

Learn more about this author, S. A. Holley.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.