by Tiffany J. Baker

Created on: April 21, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

"To be or not to be?" This should be the question in every long term relationship. If we consistently ask ourselves: "Am I being a good friend, lover, companion, supporter, and/or listener for my significant other?" If you find yourself lacking in any of these areas, you may be loosing that loving feeling.

Be a Good Friend
If you are currently in a long term relationship, I would recommend tapping into that hard headed memory of yours to drain those thoughts of yesterday. Remember all those hand-in-hand walks in the park? Remember all of those late night pillow discussions that would end with lips intertwined? Remember all of those thoughtful notes you left on his/her car with promises of tomorrow? How long has it been since you asked your partner how they feel about their lives, career, or family? In order to be a good friend, it takes time, compassion, and understanding. This is the cornerstone to getting that jammed door to your feelings greased and less squeaky.

Be a Great Lover
With so many books on "Sensual Love", "Erotica", and general Lover books, there is absolutely no reason you should be in the dark without a flashlight. The best advice in this department, after you practice being a good friend, is being in tune with your partner. Once you share a rich conversation, say over a glass of Reisling and some Saturday Night Live, you should be well on your way to tuning that love radio in to just the right station. If all else fails, ask your partner!

Be a Fun Companion
Who wants to be around someone who prefers to watch TV all day instead of practicing a little "Carpe Diem"? If you don't seize the day, you and your partner's relationship will suffer. Create new and unusual sights to see. Focus on what you and your partner's common interests are. If you love the outdoors, hop on a boat with a fishing pole. If you love the movies, have a nice dinner and catch a show. If you both love the nightlife, get on those dancing shoes and boogey! Just don't forget to share your life. Being a companion is something that time is no match for. No matter what age you are in your relationship, you are given the gift of companionship. The longer you are together, the easier it becomes!

Be an Enthusiastic Supporter
You are obviously with this person for a reason. Remember what that is? For me, my husband has always overflowed with tireless ambition and motivation. He has always been an innovative and revolutionary man. He comes up with new ideas and new dreams. By supporting these thoughts, hopes, and dreams I become his cheerleader in the darkest of scores. When his mind gets going, I just support him and try to remain in good faith. This action creates and stimulates a joined sense of growth and connection for us both.

Be a Good Listener
To listen, is to speak with no words. A wise person once said, "There is much to hear, if you would only listen!" If we just calm our own thoughts, desires, and needs for a few moments, we could truly gain insight into our partner's lives. When we listen, we are not judging, we are not arguing, just listening. Try to remain calm when listening. Show your partner you care by acknowledging their words with eye contact and short words of encouragement like "I see" or "Yes".

Feeling is a relative emotion. Based on your behaviors, your outcomes will be determined. Your love and your feeling in a long term relationship may be hidden for a while. It is up to you to keep the fire alive and burning.

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