by Carel Two-Eagle

Created on: April 20, 2008

In a divorce, the father should have as equal a chance at custody rights as the mother, for the simple reason that not all females have suitable mothering ability.

My birth mother had the mothering ability of a telephone pole. My foster father had considerably better parenting ability than she did. She refused to tell me my birth father's name, so we can't include him in this discussion except to say that the one time he tried to see me, she threatened to have him jailed "because she was angry with him" - for being a horse-Indn and deciding to return to his Reservation and his Traditional Ways. But on that basis alone, I would state that the likelihood of my birth father being a better parent was greater than the birth mother's was.

Not every cow or mare in a herd has mothering ability, as every farmer and rancher knows. I farmed and ranched for decades, and could tell you many colorful stories about cows and mares that refused to feed their newborns, who were otherwise just fine.. And they did it every time. In the event such critters have some considerable redeeming grace, they are kept and we find ways to raise their babies. Otherwise, they go to the sale barn and become someone else's headache.

My last man had children with a woman who currently has a 'rap sheet' that is over twice as long as I am tall. She is NOT a mother except in the biological sense of the word. When they split up, he was made the custodial parent; not her. When he died, she and their auntie fought in court over who should get the boys - on the basis of wanting the boys' Social Security Survivor's Benefit checks.

Definitely no mothering there, so I stepped in and got custody arranged so that she and the auntie only get fully-supervised visitation and the court has custody of the funds the boys get until they each turn 18. I left them in their original culture and on their original Reservation in order to not cause them any more grief than they already had at the loss of their father.. and to teach them that there is another kind of female than their mother or their auntie - me.

The ability to sire or birth children DOES NOT automatically confer the ability to parent those children in either females or males, as has been shown both here and in ample studies. Therefore, the court's decision regarding custody should include both parents' abilities, behavior patterns, and the regard of their children for them - not simply earning power, which men generally have more of in this bigoted culture, or simply gender, which is irrelevant.

As my Grandmother Pearl used to say, "Any dummy can push a baby buggy. It takes talent and effort to be a parent." Right on, Unchi! Way to go! You hit the nail squarely on the thumb! Fathers have an equal right to custody of their children, unless they have proven bad behaviors such as violence, alcohol or drug use, etc. The same as goes for the mothers.

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