by K L Arena

Created on: April 20, 2008   Last Updated: April 21, 2008

Basic Instructions for Safety

It's about a month before our wedding when my husband-to-be moves into a new apartment. A couple of friends come over to help us move and arrange some odd bits of furniture. So far, there's an empty entertainment stand in the living room with a display of Japanese swords on the top, where the TV should be, and a guitar amp next to it.

We sit on the floor in the dining room, working on a puzzle that consists entirely of zillions of black and white striped cats with big cartoon eyes or goofy sunglasses lounging at the beach. That's when we notice it. The puzzle pieces are vibrating. They pulse in synch with a heavy bass that booms from the apartment below us.

Great. Just great, I'm thinking. We've only been here a few hours, and we're already off to a booming start. I pick myself up off the floor and prepare to go downstairs and politely ask the Ace of Bass to tone it down.

My friend Libby tries to stop me. "Wait," she says. "You don't want to do this. Just call the police and let them handle it. What if they neighbors are mean or drugged up or something?"

I laugh her off (I mean, come on, right?), but take my fiance, Steve, downstairs with me to soothe everyone's nerves. We head to the stairs and start the downward climb.

But we're in luck. We're about halfway down the stairs when who do we see coming out of the apartment, but the music man himself! He heads out to his car, hops in and drives away, taking his bone-crunching symphony with him.

We're saved! No scary, drugged-up neighbor making threats because we want quiet. No hostile confrontation at all.

We head back upstairs, but Steve stops me. "Wait here," he tells me and winks. I wait in the alcove outside the door of our apartment.

Steve rips the door open, darting in to the room. He leaps over the puzzle, rockets to the living room. He grabs one of the swords and zips back the way he came. "They've got Kasey."

From outside, I hear Libby squeak. "They what?"

A moment later, she timidly comes to the door to see what's happening. As she opens it, Steve jumps out to scare her.

She jumps back, but not before she punches him square in the face.

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