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give an account of my time.

"Gee", thought I, "how can I explain that I had the time to fiddle around with new hair care products? That I went shopping mid-week ( previously, an impossibility ) when the stores were virtually empty and treated myself to some new play "togs" for summer lounging . . . in vivid colors, no less! That I meandered through the costume jewellery section of my local department store and bought a few "blingy" beaded bracelets to complement those new capris and tees . . . That I was actually able to READ a book . . . That I rolled around on the carpet with my furry companion . . . That I listened to Fred Astaire singing 'Heaven . . . I'm in Heaven' and actually found myself waltzing with an invisible partner . . . That I cooked some of my favourite comfort foods . . . including, GOD FORBID, Kraft Dinner . . . !"

I blossomed so fast and so furiously that I made a covenant with myself to never let that serenity disappear again. Granted, my partner returned, looking tanned and healthier than ever. And his energy, once more, began to fill each room of our space, seeping into the most remote recesses of every corner. But it was different this time . . .

My two-week hiatus from all things "cancer" taught me that, first of all, I'm completely powerless over the progress and pace of his terminal illness. I gradually began to surrender to that mystery.

But, perhaps the most life-affirming lesson for me was that, no matter what happens, I'm going to be okay. Of course, I'm going to grieve . . . actually, I've probably already started . . . but, ultimately, I'm going to be just fine.

I don't know how this awareness dawned, but since I'm a very spiritual woman, I offer profound gratitude to my Creator for this sacred gift.

There is no more fear . . . And I'm ready to embrace whatever this journey has in store for us without struggle now. Whether it be an imminent hospitalization, or more treatment failures, I'm going to be just FINE.

I am truly "Awakening to Life" . . .

Learn more about this author, Catherine Jerome.
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