by Nancy Morgan

Created on: April 20, 2008   Last Updated: April 21, 2008

Uncle Sam used to resemble my rich old uncle, the uncle that didn't visit very much but would always be there for us in a crisis. Uncle Sam would take care of the things our family couldn't take care of ourselves, like war, natural disasters and various other crises. But Uncle Sam is getting old and has decided he wants to move in with us.

Since a lot of us are living without fathers, this is good news. Finally, someone to take charge and guide us. Someone who will go to obscene lengths to make us safe and happy, full of self esteem and good little citizens. You know, kinda like Dad used to do before marriage became so, well, outdated.

It's a very secure feeling knowing that Uncle Sam is looking out for our best interests. He got the lady down the hall to quit smoking, just in case they find out some day that 2nd hand smoke causes cancer. He got cars to use special gas additives and even mandated using biofuels so cars don't pollute Mother Earth. It wasn't his fault that the special gas turned out to cause cancer and biofuels are causing food prices to skyrocket. His intentions were the best, so you really can't fault him.

Uncle Sam has made himself indispensable. What would we do without him? It used to be that Americans relied on their own families, their neighbors, and their churches. With all those institutions being redefined out of existence, I'm thankful that Uncle Sam has stepped up to provide the help we all seem to need now. As Hillary says, 'It Takes A Village'. She realized before anyone else that in our new global world, we would necessarily lose much of our individualism and eventually become new, improved global citizens.

The thing I like best about Uncle Sam is his emphasis on feelings. There is now a law that protects us from nasty slurs and bullies. There is even a law that actually interprets the intentions behind someone's actions. If the intention is said to be racial, pow, it qualifies as a hate crime. Finally, a law making hate illegal.

Sam (as he insists I call him) has sure made a big difference in my life. I never knew that the earth was melting, or that gays had a right to get married. Or that having a baby contributed to global warming. Or that capitalism was bad or that all cultures are equal. Thanks to Uncle Sam, the age of individualism is turning into the age of social justice. About time.

Sam has also taught me an awful lot about compassion. It used to be that I would actually have to spend my own time and money to help out, say,

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