by Jennifer Teeter

Created on: April 20, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

"I can't believe she sang my song! After all that we have been through, she knows that's my song! I can't let her get away with it!"

I knew my coworker had a problem when she started sharing with me her plans to sabotage karaoke nights because people had chosen songs she had apparently claimed for her own.

All the warning signs were there. Our first night at karaoke together, I noticed that she kept a list of songs specifically handpicked for the night. After singing each song, she diligently checked it off, jotting down notes. I didn't pay much attention, just thought she was a bit of a perfectionist. Everyone has their little quirks.

The next time we went, we had an excruciatingly difficult time getting the "karaoke bible", as she would refer to it. "People are hoarding it!" she exasperated. After clicking her pen for about ten minutes in silence, she started standing stalking people who were browsing through the holy book. "So, she's a little aggressive," I thought, "She just really likes to sing." Once again, she was at it with the notes, only this time, she was not only writing about herself, but other karaoke enthusiasts.

The following week, she threw a karaoke party at her apartment. Karaoke machine, stage, three different microphones- you name it, she had it. However, this party was more like a karaoke strategy session. How early to go to a bar on karaoke night, names of other karaoke singers for us to monitor, the order we should submit our songs. "We can't show off too much at first. We have to let the other singers underestimate our abilities." She was a karaoke hustler. Then she started confiding in me about other singers who sang "her" songs and how she planned to ruin their performances. Grabbing the extra mic and doing "back-up" vocals, buying drinks for the other singers, ripping "her" pages out of the bible.

She had to be stopped. The following Wednesday, we snuck out of work an hour early in order to carefully select our position in the bar. Everything was perfect, we had our hands on the book before anyone else. She dictated to me the songs, I obediently wrote them on the little slips of paper, and gave them to DJ Joey. She started buying insanely strong drinks for the competitors while I waited at the table.

I sang, "The Rose", a few amateurs got on stage, she sang "We are the Champions." Our timing was impeccable. Half an hour passed and it was my turn to get on stage again. I vocalized to Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive". Her face was as white as a ghost. Revenge is sweet.

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