by Michelle Jose

Created on: April 19, 2008

I held the butterfly up into the light, studying every detail of her wing, the fine lines that connected to create the beautiful body of such a powerful tiny somebody. I never did join the class in watching the butterflies fly behind their caged walls of "freedom". I was trapped in a dream, walking through a forest carefully capturing the flap of her wing, the sound of her changing the wind and the way the breeze of her perfect movements felt on my chest.

Ever since I can remember, I've had the deepest desire to hold the world close to me and make everyone see the value of every living thing on it. I don't want to be someone specific because without effort I was already born a somebody. On April 27, 1988 at approximately 3:45AM a girl was born at Brookhaven Hospital in Patchoque, Long Island, her name? Michelle Jose, a woman's first daughter and a man's biggest mistake. The minute I was conceived I became somebody. Though I don't remember what it was like to swim inside my mother's womb attached to her by a single cord, I know the minute she was aware of my presence in her body I was a special somebody to her. I dream of remaining a special somebody who in some way or other will still be attached to her by a cord that grows thicker with age, as we age during growth.

To the man who was the first to hold me, I was a different kind of somebody, my presence hurt him. I became a burden he wouldn't carry for long and a somebody he would want to pretend was a nobody. I sometimes dream I wanted to be a somebody in his eyes but mostly I dream that he would forget me, knowing that it was impossible to see me as a nobody and even so even a nobody is a somebody, somehow. I had an older brother who would see me as somebody he had to protect and as his companion who he will spend his life adoring and caring for. I had family who either saw me as the new somebody to love and care for or the new somebody who will soon become a nobody and dissolve into the world like sugar in their coffee.

Growing up I had no real interest in growing old or figuring out what I wanted to be when I was older. I took it step by step trying not to run ahead and miss time I could use wisely. I wasn't happy with being placed in daycare or enrolled in school, spending time away from who I was and what I wanted to do. I taught myself to read and write before being entering classrooms with worms crawling through apples on the walls. I dream of teaching my own children and allowing them to teach themselves

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>