by Rene Schwiesow

Created on: April 19, 2008

The worse way to handle conflict could very well be focusing on the worst ways to handle conflict (negative) rather than focusing on the best ways to handle conflict (positive). To set up a visual and verbal clue that showcases worst-case scenarios draws us into the aspects that keep us stuck in a perpetual cycle of negative thought patterns and avoidance.

When we, instead, discuss conflict from the viewpoint of how best to handle it, we begin to model the very aspects that we can use to best effect in addressing and alleviating conflict.

To meet conflict head-on may cause us to feel some discomfort, however, doing so is the most expeditious way to end what we may have been previously trying to avoid. Positive communication skills and a willingness to discuss, openly, and with a positive slant toward resolve will go a long way toward settling the conflict at hand plus put us in a good position for less future conflict.

To model and employ effective communication skills we must be willing to utilize good listening skills as well as share our viewpoint clearly from a verbal standpoint. Open yourself up to good communication by projecting body language that indicates you are willing to discuss and listen. Positive body language is found in meeting another individual eye to eye, positioning your torso toward the other, keeping your arms and hands soft and unclenched, and in leaning slightly into the conversation rather than away from it. Once we are projecting an open view, we must also pay attention to the language we choose to use and the tone of voice with which we present our side of the discussion, converse rather than assume, and view the other person from a receptive and considerate standpoint.

Listen fully to the interchange, hearing each point the other person makes and putting selectivity aside. In order to model that you are listening without interrupting verbally, a smile or a nod of the head will convey that you understand the point the other person is wishing to convey. As the situation is conflict, which inherently suggests differing viewpoints, remember the value of compromise yet bear in mind that keeping your own healthy boundaries is also a positive aspect of addressing conflict. One of the biggest stumbling blocks to communication is defensiveness, which is not an example of a healthy boundary. However, being firm about not compromising your own values and ethics is.

Wayne Dyer, author of several self-help books including "Change your thoughts - Change your Life", offers us the phrase, "as your thoughts go, so do you." Therefore, if you approach conflict from a worst way to handle concept or with avoidance and negative patterning, you run the risk of manifesting exactly how your mind is not handling the situation. Believe that there is an answer to the conflict, know that you are capable of working through the issues, and listen to the issues with empathy before responding with your own thoughts.

One of my favourite songs is Let There Be Peace, and the line within that song that best applies here is: let peace begin with me, let this be the moment now.

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