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Upon moving to my new town five years ago, I was excited to learn I had some very cute and comical neighbors. A gaggle of ducks live quite contently beside the small river down the street, more aptly described as a brook.

They had established their hang-out spot within a few hundred feet of a five-foot, man-made waterfall of some kind. That first day, I got a real kick out of watching them float dangerously close to the edge, then swim with all their might against the tide. Their little webbed feet would be racing like mad, and they moved about a foot an hour away from the drop. But their demeanors showed nothing but contented enjoyment, as if they appreciated the thrill of vigorous exercise.

I'd like to tell you that I know how to read a mallard's mood, but I really can't be sure. I've tried to do some more formal research about mallards. There are some moderately helpful websites, but most of the sites I've come across are unfortunately devoted more to the hunting and eating of the little guys than observing and appreciating them in their natural habitats. Which, to my knowledge, can include small rivers, natural and man-made bodies of water, and other similar environments. Many have been observed to frequent city parks, benefiting from the constant supply of crumbs and handouts from those people who appreciate their presence.

I've observed from visiting my neighbor ducks over the last five years that many times, if I arrive on the scene and no one else is present, the ducks will enthusiastically come running to greet you. You heard me. They run. Picture it. They waddle so fast, they can't get out of their own way. Every time I see this, I laugh, and I wonder why they don't just fly over.

My local ducks will usually eat basically anything, although I've given the matter some serious consideration, and I've realized that Doritos, white bread, and muffins are probably not part of their natural diet. I've since moved on to spoiling them with gerbil food, parakeet food, all manner of whole, unprocessed grains and seeds, and even trail mix, complete with raisins and peanuts. I've been known to take soy nuts, peanuts and sesame seeds out of the cupboard, toss them into the coffee-grinder, and bring the resulting coarse meal to my waddling friends.

Typically when I first arrive, I am greeted by a very loud and boisterous quack sequence from the lead duck. It took me a while to realize that this particular call always comes from a female.

The sequence is usually comprised

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