by Megan Martin

Created on: April 19, 2008   Last Updated: January 19, 2009

Why is so difficult to understand? Yup, I'm a Mommy. Yes, I stay at home. I'm a lesbian. That is where the confusion seems to happen. Is it so incredible to believe that some gays are so completely normal and boring that we have a regular relationship dynamic exclusive of us being gay? Television and fundamental religion have joined forces apparently, convincing the average intelligent person that a whole sect of society believes and acts in the same way. The sheer logic of it is flawed, especially when you take into account that gays come from all walks of life, all races, classes, and ethnicities. It seems that the common American knows little that he has not learned on television. Many of the stereotypes themselves are presented as backhanded compliments, further easing their way into acceptance. All gay men do not have an eye for fashion. Not all lesbians are masculine. I do not look' like a lesbian. My wife and I do not look' like a lesbian couple.

As soon as some people hear the word gay, their mind goes straight to either some SanFran pride parade or raunchy porno scenes. While I am proud and we do have a great sex life, that's not us. Homosexuality is a very little portion of who I am. Gender role concerns aside (there is no guy and girl unless there is a guy and a girl), our relationship withstands the same tribulation as our straight counterparts. She still shares a knowing wistful glance to others who are being held them captive in the store as we wives try on just one more thing in the fitting room. I still yell at her about picking up her socks for millionth time. We argue about housework, hold hands in public, struggle to maintain a healthy relationship while raising our daughter. The only difference that we have encountered that sets us apart from the average straight couple is her tendency to wear my clothes. Being of the same sex does not ease the strains of interpersonal relationships. Lesbian relationships aren't a ride on easy street; we have to work at it like everyone else. And while we do get along better than most couples we know, gay or straight, that doesn't make her the best friend I fool around with. We are lovers. I call her my wife. She does the same. We are not a phase, not a preference. We are every day for the rest of my life. We are love songs and romantic comedies. We are just like you and your wife.

I wish I could tell you being gay made me special. That it made my tumultuous love life sitcom humorous or independent film sexy. But the truth is it doesn't. For the average looker-on, there is no accurate presentation to experience gay life. And if there was, you'd change the channel or risk dying of boredom.

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