by Kelly Piercy

Created on: April 19, 2008

It hurts and you want the hurting to stop. There is a way to stop the pain and it all depends on you.

Remember the joke about the guy who goes into the doctor, holds his arm out, swings it at the elbow, and says, "Doc, it hurts when I go like this."

"That's simple, quit going like this." The doctor says as he mimics the motion.

That was funny when we were kids. It is also a lesson we need to learn. If something hurts, that is our body telling us not to do it. If our emotions hurt, we have to stop what is making us hurt. Doing that may not sound as easy as taking it easy on a sore knee. It is. Think about it. If your knee is injured, you can lessen the pain by being careful. That will not end the pain or lessen the injury, only time will accomplish that. In time, your knee will heal. It will heal more quickly if you do not aggravate the injury.

The same thing works with emotional injury. Only time will heal the wound. Moreover, it will heal more quickly and more completely if you do not aggravate the injury.

When we are hurt, emotionally hurt, our first reaction is to stop what is hurting us. There are two basic strategies when we are attacked, defense or offense. Neither will stop the hurt and either might aggravate the injury.

When someone hurts us emotionally, they do it for one of three reasons. One reason someone hurts us emotionally is simple accident. Someone says or does something that upsets a tender spot in our emotions of which they were completely unaware. This is like giving a friendly pat on the back to someone whose severe sunburn is hidden by a light cotton shirt.

Another hurt comes when someone is hurt by us, either intentionally or unintentionally, and strikes back at us.

The third reason is that there are people who maliciously attack other people to cover their own lack of self-esteem or self-worth.

In the first and third case, there is really no way to avoid being hurt. There is a way to avoid aggravation of the injury. In the second case, there is a way to avoid being hurt. If we do not attack others, we will not have to be concerned about being attacked in response.

In all cases, after being hurt, there is a way to avoid aggravation of the injury and stopping the pain.

Common advice is to express our hurt. This works when the person we express our pain to cares. If the hurt was accidental, the person that caused the pain will stop and even apologize. It is not over then. We have to understand why an unintentional remark or action hurt and deal with

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