by James Moss

Created on: April 18, 2008

It was all Jake could do to stay out from under despair. He could feel it looming over him, pushing him into the ground. The earth boiled away from him and he felt himself sinking. He pushed and fought against it, but doing so gave it power. He saw it and it became stronger. The baby was crying in the other room, as it did. She did... she. He pulled his feet from the mud and walked to the nursery where Angela, his three month old daughter, screamed from her crib. She had slept for about 10 minutes. The doctor said it was colic, which had no known cause and one hundred thousand remedies. She sputtered briefly when he walked up to the side of the barred bed, but she continued on as she had been. He lifted her softly from the crib, she flopped a bit in his hands, but he could feel her muscles tensing, becoming stronger everyday. Jake held her against his shoulder, her little warm body wiggling slightly against his chest and began walking aimlessly around the house.

He thought on his feelings for her. He had expected that sudden day when Angela had been pull from his wife's womb that he would have fallen instantly in love with his daughter, and every instinct in his mind would flare like a struck match and he would know exactly what to do. This wasn't the case. He felt something like fascination for her. She was so small, but not as small as he thought she'd be. She had opened her eyes almost instantly, and because Jake's baby experience centered mostly around kittens and puppies, this startled him. He had walked down the old hospital hallway, where countless new fathers had walked before him. He felt like he should say something to her, but couldn't think of anything beyond a simple greeting. "Hi, welcome," he had said. She blinked, not focusing on anything. Not knowing that there were things to focus on. She was the newest one could be.

And she continues to learn. She recognises him sometimes, when he walks into the nursery after work. Depending on her mood she might smile at him. His pessimism tells him she would smile at anyone entering the room, but perhaps not. He kisses her and rubs her belly. It took Jake several weeks to see her as human, a thing from him and his wife that would grow and become better and more that what she was now. At one point, tired and weary. He thought to himself that she was the stupidest pet in the world. He also marvelled at how defenseless she was, how defenseless we all were and are. No wonder humanity is obsessed with weapons.

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>