by Melissa DeRisi

Created on: April 18, 2008

Unless your husband is inviting his buddies over to hold you down and rape you, there is nothing he can do to "force" you to be unfaithful. In most states you have to be an adult to be a wife. Assuming that you are an adult woman of sound mind, you are responsible for your own actions.

Before you were Misses to his Mister, the both of you were likely very different toward each other. In an effort to make the sell, you exhibited your best qualities and went further to please then you do now. Once the deal was sealed and routine set in, the need to impress is no longer there.

With movies and music overemphasizing the honeymoon portion of a relationship, we develop a false idea of what a relationship is really like. Having an unrealistic idea of how long lasting marriages work, often sets us up for disappointments. Your husband may demonstrate behavior that inspires you to think about greener pastures. But he is in no way responsible for your choice to pursue an extramarital relationship.

If this point of view sets your teeth on edge, let's reverse it. Can a wife's behavior force a man to be unfaithful? That poor man, his wife used to be so beautiful and caring. Now she's let herself go and all she does is spend time with the kids and complain. How can a man be expected to stay faithful when he doesn't even recognize his wife anymore? Just because it happens and some people make similar excuses, infidelity is a choice made by the individual and never the responsibility of another's actions.

Choosing between working on making improvements and ending a relationship can be difficult. Many women and men fear being alone. Too often, when a relationship sours, people choose to find someone new while still married. Not only are they letting their fear compromise their morals and their commitment, they are weakening the foundation of their ability to have healthy relationships.

To demonstrate the theory, examine a possible scenario: While married to your first husband, you've met and fallen in love with your soul mate that just happens to be unhappily married as well. After secretly seeing each other for six months, you tell your first husband you want a divorce and move in with your new man. Spring forward to year two of your second marriage. The honeymoon is defiantly over.

As your level of satisfaction goes down, you begin to wonder if he's cheating on you. You may love him, but he does have a history of infidelity. Also, he didn't seem so controlling before you were married. In fact, many of your early disagreements were based on where you were when. He doesn't seem to trust you either.

Hypothetical situations aside, you made a commitment when you merged your life with your spouse. Whether you expend great effort to make it work until it ends or end the marriage as soon as it's not what you want it to be, being faithful is always the right thing to do. You're ability to have healthy relationships is jeopardized when you choose otherwise. Whatever he did, he can't make you do that to yourself.

Learn more about this author, Melissa DeRisi.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.