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Humor: Bathrooms

by Author Name Withheld 82

Created on: April 18, 2008   Last Updated: August 28, 2010

Public bathrooms have a history for those of you too young enough to know. About 30 years ago, there were "paid for" stalls and those that were NOT! The psychology behind this arrangement was that if someone paid a quarter to use the stall, this somehow made it more "safe" and sanitary. If you used the free bathroom stalls, well, as they say, you get what you paid for!

Clearly, this was a ridiculous mindset and some wise person must have made it clear to the bathroom builders of the world that given the fact that all men and women were equal according to the law, all stalls should be available for those who had coins or not! Further, having coins in your purse did not guarantee immunity from any kind of embarrassing disease, abnormal itch or rash of any kind.

Then came the "seat covers." They were made of paper and placed on the toilet seat to save one from life-threatening illness and sexually transmitted diseases that plastic seats can't possibly transmit anyway. Still, it offered some comfort to those who reluctantly made use of public facilities. Problems arose if the seats were not dry and soaked with urine by squatters who I will discuss in the next paragraph. Then the seat covers were wet when you sat on them and you were then subjected to months of worry that you would die from someone else' urine (which is actually sterile by the way and can be used as an antiseptic in an emergency).

We find a variety of urinators in public washrooms. There are the shy ones who don't want you to know that they are actually going to the bathroom so they flush as they are peeing. There are the unsavory, devil-may-care urinators who don't mind others hearing them pee, release gas or any other bodily fluids and/or substances. It's not a wonderful moment if you are in the stall next to them and people wonder who was the source of the noises - you or the real culprit. Worst of all offenders are the squatters. They don't sit, they hover above the seat. They don't take a chance of sitting on that toilet seat! No sir they don't! So, in their squatting, yet not sitting position, they pee on, sometimes getting the urine in the toilet and other times getting it all over the toilet seat. Some have the audacity to leave the stall looking quite innocent and meanwhile, they have not cleaned up after their mess. I don't like the squatters! You never know who can be trusted and who can't!

What is equally shocking is the number of people who either don't wash their hands or make a tiny gesture of doing so for "show." These are the people who turn on the tap for two seconds, wiggle their fingers under the water and go on their merry way. Others take a glance at their image in the mirror and walk out with nary an ounce of soap or splash of water! For those obsessed with germs, this is a nightmare. The hand washer doesn't want to touch the doorknob of the non-hand washer for fear of being reinfected by their bathroom germs! They have to lie in wait, biding their time until someone else opens the door to enter or leave and they make a dash for it, relieved that they avoided the hideous, grotesque bathroom germs on the bathroom door knob or handle.

The public washroom - a whole other world! Different people, sounds, smells and ways of relieving bodily functions. A book about such matters would make an interesting read if you're in your own bathroom for an extended period of time!


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