by Michael Bates

Created on: April 17, 2008

I write this article as a 2nd grade teacher in a very successful school. Our district has a high level of parent involvement. It is located in a very affluent community. These demographics are both a blessing and a curse for the teachers at all levels, especially in the primary grades. Because the level of parental involvement is high, we see students who succeed academically and socially. They are able to pass standardized tests and perform excellently on school projects, homework and various other assignments. However, maintaining a positive relationship with parents can be a difficult task. Parents are very demanding, and often tend to "side" with their children over the teacher's word. This article will focus on the ways that a parent can develop a healthy, positive relationship with the teacher, while striking the balance that is needed between positive communication and high demands.

My first piece of advice for any parent is to develop a sense of trust with the teacher. A previous article mentioned the "Meet the Teacher" days that schools often have. This is a good start, but it cannot be the only contact with the teacher until Parent Conference Night. Though teachers are busy with their daily responsibilities, it never hurts to write a note of support, or to inform the teacher of growth that you may see in your child. Teachers are often encouraged to write positive notes home to parents, so that when a negative experience must be related, the parent is able to see that the teacher recognizes both good and bad. The same advice might be given to parents. Make sure that the teacher knows you appreciate the good work that she does before you start voicing concerns. Such communication can go a long way toward establishing a sense of trust.

Secondly, it is important to reinforce the teacher's actions with your child. Even if you disagree with a teacher or something he has done, the child should always witness support for the teacher. Bring up any concerns privately and make sure that the teacher knows that any disagreement is between you and the teacher and that the child sees united adults acting on her behalf. One of the worst things a parent can do is to say negative things about a teacher in front of, or to the child. This leads to difficulties in the classroom that are not good for the child. A teacher will respect your honesty if he feels you have re-enforced his credibility with the child.

Finally, and especially for parents of primary-aged children, please realize that your child is very young and try not to focus on individual things that you may or may not like about your child's teacher. The teacher is with your child for 7 hours a day, 180 days per year. This contact, while it may have an influence on your child, will not make or break your child's educational career. Let the teacher know in as many ways as you can, that you appreciate her efforts. Take time to check homework, read newsletters, fill out and return forms promptly and keep appointments. A teacher who sees that parents are conscientious about school and classroom needs will strive to develop a close and good relationship with those parents.

Keep in mind that your child's teacher has 20-25 other children in her care each day. Teachers have a tremendous amount of responsibility to the children, administration and parents. If you are able to develop a good relationship with your child's teacher, your child will benefit more than you know. Thank you for reading these few words from an old hand.

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