by Michelle Burkhardt

Created on: April 17, 2008

Who's dream is it anyways? That is the biggest question that a parent needs to ask himself. If one wants to ensure that he encourages and not pressures his child, he must answer that question. Whether you are a parent of an academic accelerating child, a musically gifted protege', or the next Freddie Adu/Tiger Woods athlete, there are three ways to make sure one remains on the encouraging end of the balance beam.

First, one must decide if this is what the child really wants to be doing. How? Ask! This question needs to be worded in a way that the child does not feel any pressure to answer in a certain way. Children have a keen sense of knowing how their parent wants them to respond. Do not ask, "You want to go to piano lessons, right?" That is not a true question. However, if asked, "Are piano lessons something you would be interested in trying?" is a much better way to open up a discussion.

Second, do not go overboard with the activity. Just because a child is gifted in a certain area does not mean he or she wishes to pursue that avenue full-speed ahead. Sadly, in today's society parents feel pressure to keep up with the Jones' children. Kids are constantly running from one activity to another. School-aged children are putting in more hours of classroom time combined with homework as an adult puts in for a full-time job. Add the pressure of advanced classes or other academic activities and a child could possibly experience burn-out or total exhaustion.

The third way to ensure we encourage our children, is a little more trickier than the previous two. A parent must decide how to help a child follow through on a commitment without pressuring the child to continue in an activity that is not meant. For example, if one's child is signed-up to play baseball, and in week two decides it is too slow and boring, a parent cannot let the child quit. Continuing through the end of the season encourages responsibility and helps a child recognize that quiting is not the answer. However, if a child has joined gymnastics, and after a month decides to quit; even though this is not seasonal sport due to the fact that is runs throughout the year, a parent must still set a time period that the child has to finish. After the agreed upon goal, then, a withdrawal from the activity should be allowed.

Our children are a gift from God and seeking God's wisdom to ensure that we encourage without pressuring can be found in the Bible. Colossians 3:21 says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged." Supporting our children to excel is not the same as requiring them to excel. Edifying words out on the soccer field, instead of berating, negative comments will be more rewarding and beneficial to a parent child-relationship. In addition, by balancing activities with play and allowing for plenty of family time to help elevate the stresses of school, sports, and academics a child will grow-up feeling more secure allowing him to succeed in whatever avenue he chooses.

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