by Glynis Jolly

Created on: April 17, 2008

It seems that so many marriages fall apart just at the time when the relationship is getting that feeling of being comfortable. It could be that one or both have been looking for the wrong things in the relationship. Marriage is not an extension of the romance that took place during the courtship or in that period where you were living together without the legal commitment. Sure, there will be romantic and passionate interludes during a marriage. In fact, chances are that the more interludes, the better the marriage will be. Nevertheless, the commitment of marriage is a way of life, not a string of events like dating is.

You can go to web sites like Match.com or Harmony.com to try to find someone to have a lifetime commitment with but unless you know what you personally consider as your goals in life other than that one "perfect" relationship, those web sites won't do thing for you except take your money. The same goes for those single clubs that can be found in most major cities. And what if you do know what your goals are. Do you really want someone who is so much the same as you? Personally, I'd find that quite boring. Of course, it probably wouldn't be a good idea to go too far the other way either, not having anything at all in common. In my own marriage, my husband and I have a few important goals in common but our individual ideas on how to reach them are different. Yes, we have argued about how we're going to reach goals both as a couple and as individuals but usually we're more than happy to listen to what the other one has to say. After all, goals are in the future and no one is sure about that. All possibilities should be considered.

It is said that you should never go to bed angry if you want your marriage to work. I agree. However, hashing things out right before going to bed may be a bad idea too. Tempers are more likely to flare out of control when you're tired and/or weary from whatever has gone on during your day. It may be better just to put the issue aside until a time in the very near future when both of you are rested. Just don't put off the discussion for too long. That could start an argument in itself.

Who is your best friend? Who is the one you tell your darkest secrets to? Who do you confide shocking truths to? If it isn't your spouse, it should be. Your spouse has seen you stark naked. Trust me, he or she can handle any secrets you may be hiding from everyone else. This doesn't mean that you don't have to use a little tact when speaking

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