by Dave Kemp

Created on: April 17, 2008

A flirt I am, but a cheater I am not! There is a fundamental difference between the two that should never be confused. A flirtation is as natural to some people as saying hello. These people are usually extroverted, self-confident, and friendly to everyone they meet. These traits are usually genetic in nature rather than environmental, although they can be a little bit of both.

A cheater is something else entirely. Cheating has less to do with personality and more to do with moral fiber. Moral fiber is not a genetic trait, but an environmental trait that usually has been taught to someone by their parents or peers.

Discussing what flirting is can become a little bit confusing however, because often flirting is defined by perception. For example, I have been accused of flirting with someone that I was having a simple conversation with. Because they happened to be attractive, the person watching saw it as flirting. If I have had exactly the same type of conversation with someone not considered to be overly attractive, others typically ignore the interaction. Why? If I was flirting with the attractive person, wasn't I also flirting with the unattractive person? Personally, I do not treat either situation differently. I see people as people. I think everyone deserves to be treated nicely unless they have earned something else.

In my mind, flirting is just a fun way of talking with people. I don't even do it consciously, and I do not necessarily reserve it only for attractive women. If I think someone deserves or needs a compliment, they are going to get one. This does not mean I am interested in them romantically or anything else. I just want them to feel good about themselves, and I have the gift of recognizing an opportunity and having the right personality to be able to take advantage of it.

My wife did not fall in love with a cheater. She did fall in love with a flirt. I was not even flirting with her. We knew each other for a full year before either of us even thought about the fact that we were attracted to each other. She simply liked the way I treated people and the fact that I was a flirt was amusing to her. The key is not to be rude about it.

Now, 20 years later, my personality hasn't changed, but I have never cheated on my wife. I still enjoy making people feel good about themselves and consider it a gift if I make someone smile. If someone insinuates that I am going over the line, I make it quite clear that I am faithful to my wife. The interesting thing about these people is that they are typically very insecure and so think that any attention given to anyone else must be some type of advance. I feel sorry for them because they often seem to be awfully uptight about everything in life.

Life is for us to enjoy. Let's enjoy it. If you are an introverted person, let those of us that are not help to make your life more enjoyable. We are willing to share our gift of gab with you if you want us to. If you want to be left alone, we can do that too. In my mind, flirting is fun, but cheating is awful. Mixing the two is where the problems arise.

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