14 of 24

Yes

Write now Article Tools

I ask myself this question every day. Every evening at 9:30 as I swallow the pills that I have been taking religiously since my diagnosis at age 19, I ask myself, will I be able to have the big family full of happy children that I've always dreamed of?

I just turned 22 a month ago, got engaged three weeks ago, and suddenly this family of six is becoming more of a reality. The children laughing and running, the arts and crafts, the cooking baking, and putting up Christmas trees... can it still happen? Can I still have the family I've always dreamed of? The house full of laughter, full of everything that my house I grew up in wasn't?

There are so many days when I tell myself no, I'll never be able to have the four or more children I want. Am I already destroying my body by taking these toxic pills? Would it be healthy to have children at this point? What if I passed on this awful disease to them?

Even if I didn't, what about the many days I can't get out of bed, the days I'm losing my mind in anxiety or anger, the days I'm on the verge of mania- shopping like crazy- do I deserve children then?

It hurts me to think that "regular" people thing those with bipolar disorder should not have children. It shows that there is a real lack of understanding about the disorder, as well as mental health in general. When people look at me they do not realize that anything is wrong with me until I get the guts up to say that I have bipolar disorder. Sometimes this leads to the end of the relationship, other times this leads to awkwardness. Yet another reason to raise children of my own- to make them aware of mental health disorders- that they aren't something to be scared of, but just like any other disease.

Eventually I've come to realize that just because I have this disorder doesn't mean I should give up my dream of a big family full of happiness. I can still provide like any other mother could- probably better. How many perfect parents are there in the world right now anyway? My best may not be perfect, but I am not undeserving of a happy life because of my disorder, and I do believe I can put smiles on my children's face's every single day. What could be more important than that?

Learn more about this author, Meagan Ratcliff.
Click here to send author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about Can mothers diagnosed with bipolar disorder make good parents??
We want to hear your view. Write now!