by Robin Tidwell

Created on: April 17, 2008

Abuse can take one or more of several forms: emotional, mental, and physical. To be brief, emotional abuse typically consists of erratic feelings displayed towards another; mental abuse involves observations of an individual's intelligence; and physical abuse is, of course, the corporeal maltreatment of another.

Many people can recall instances of shock or surprise when someone makes a negative remark; these same people may or may not allow that remark to take control of their lives, to the point of it coloring all future interactions. To be considered abuse, however, the remark must be made fairly consistently and/or frequently to the near exclusion of positive commentary. However, each individual's line in the sand will be different.

The most common types of abuse are directed at children children are easily manipulated and cowed; children don't often tell, under direct threat of further abuse; and having children does not require a license or education.

Women are often abused in the context of personal relationships, a work environment, or even by their children. Men are probably abused more than the media reports and more than anyone would like to believe, but there is an inherent bias against men who are abused society in general expects them to stand up for themselves, protect themselves, or move on.

The cost of abuse cannot be accurately measured. Surely there are medical costs, therapy expenses, special education requirements, and so forth, but the most telling aspect of the consequences of abuse is the incalculable expense of an individual's self-esteem.

Self-esteem directly affects one's ability to face the world, to make decisions, and to be reasonably content all other factors being equal. We all are born with high self-esteem, to the point of being self-centered; think of babies, whose only priority is to be cared for and happy. This is instilled in us all as we grow and learn. Only, for some, at some point, these positive feelings end.

The child who is slapped repeatedly for minor infractions, such as spilling his milk; the child who is consistently told he is "stupid", perhaps in relation to a test grade; the child who is left beaten and bloodied by the very people who have a duty to keep him safe this is all abuse and the greatest effect is that of loss of self. No child will find it easy or even possible to overcome such constant feelings of worthlessness.

A woman who is repeatedly called "lazy" or "ugly" or "fat" or "dumb" will soon begin to believe this or, at the very least, question her own judgments and sense of self. She can stay or she can go, unlike most children. However, if one is consistently denigrated and debased, one can find it most difficult, if not impossible, to push away and move along.

The loss of self-esteem, especially that due to abuse of any kind, can be nearly impossible to regain and the affects difficult to overcome. Depending upon the individual in question, many continue in the same patterns, even to the next generation. Perpetuity is perhaps the most appalling consequence of abuse.

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