by Aaron Paulsen

Created on: April 17, 2008

I'm intrigued by the idea that there is a specific way to behave on a first date. This seems to take the position that all first dates are the same. This is obviously not true. Behavior is dictated by what the date will be.

If the date is to a wedding (yes, this actually happens) then one is to behave in a manner befitting the event. It is a joyous occasion and not a time to bring up your past relational problems or frustrations with your divorce.

If the date is to a funeral (yes, this actually happens too) then one is to be sympathetic to the feelings of the family and simply be there to support your date. I will add that it takes a special person to go on a first date to a funeral. I commend you. And if you are the one that asks someone on a first date to a funeral, you need counseling.

I'm sure you get the idea. The behavior matches the mood of the date and the environment you find yourself in. It doesn't mean you shouldn't be yourself. It simply means react to the situation as you normally would.

Now if we are talking about behavior from the standpoint of what is acceptable on a first date, then on a second date, and so on, I ask this simple question...why does our behavior have to change? I believe we should approach each meeting with the same respect for the other person as from day one. We become more comfortable and reached deeper plateaus of trust and love as we continue to date to be sure. But the behavior toward a person, from the first date until the day your spouse leaves this earth should remain the same. The only time behavior needs to be modified is when it is bad to begin with or has become corrupted.

I don't believe in the idea of dictating what is to be on a first date and subsequent dates. If you are both mature enough to start a relationship, then each of you should determine beforehand what you will allow to happen and when. Allowing kisses, sex or emotional attachment is a personal issue and you need to make up your mind how you feel before you go out.

If the other person feels differently and won't respect your feelings then get out of there as fast as you can. If the other person feels differently but respects your feelings then let your gut make the call on how to proceed. And if you are lucky enough to find the one person who shares most of your feelings (since no one will share every single one) then enjoy the date and plan for the next because you have found a winner.

If you let yourself get caught up in acting "differently" for a first date, then you will be so nervous the date has little hope of being successful. Treat the other person with the same level of respect you wish to receive, be yourself, and keep telling yourself that this is not a lifelong commitment but only a date. You will have much more fun, so will they, and how you behave on a first date will reflect the real you, which is what everyone ultimately wants to see.

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